Pain and Gain - I Hope I Forget Rebel Wilson's Sex Scene

Pain & Gain

This was not a funny movie; deceptive advertising at work again. There were a few funny bits mostly delivered by Rebel Wilson. This is a true story about three body builders who commit some heinous crimes. These numb nuts are dumber than dirty. Mark Walberg, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson and Antony Mackie are the body builders. These guys were seriously jacked. The Rock was so huge his tattoos almost faded away. Walberg looked like he was made out of rolls of baloney and could not put his arms down by his sides.

Walberg is the leader of this band of fools. He is the “Doer” as opposed to the “DoNotDoer”. Walberg picks up this mantra from Ken Jeong (the nasty Asian guy in the Hangover movies) who plays a dubious motivational speaker. So in his peanut brain Walberg plots a money making scheme that of course goes horribly wrong. The movie is series of missteps that somehow these idiots manage temporally work out but invariably fall apart.

The Rock is a recently released Jesus loving convict. His contribution to the gang was not only his muscles but his willingness to do dumb violent things.  The Rock gives a very good performance. In the course of the movie he transforms from a God fearing gentle ex-con to a paranoid coke addict.  It took some acting skill to do this. The whole cast did a great job. Walberg channeled his Markie Mark persona. Tony Schalhoub played the Colombian Jew role spewing rudeness and nastiness (anti Monk). Antony Mackie played a good third wheel and his contribution to violence was well received. Ed Harris had a small but important as the PI. He wore his usual cool confident facade on his thin frame. Rebel Wilson played herself. As mentioned there is not much comedy but she delivers some much needed laughs. Rebel is in a sex scene which I hope, God willing, I will forget someday.

This is a Michael Bay movie, which means the movie is formula driven. There are the cars crashes, steroid laced jocks, cigarette boats, explosions and of course live Barbies.  Yes, the Barbies were filled with silicon but they left a good impression.

See the movie. It is worth seeing the real bad guys in the ending credits. Yeah, they still look dumb.

Trance

Trance

Trance is a who done it with a lot of who’s. James McAvoy is an auctioneer who steals a Goya and is in cahoots with the gang staging the robbery. He betrays his fellow thieves by stealing the painting and hiding it. In an attempt to flee he is knocked unconscious with a rifle butt from one of the gang members. He loses his memory and cannot recall where he hid the painting. The movie resolves around him trying to regain his memory. The gang leader is Vincent Cassell (he is the bad French guy from Ocean’s Eleven). He and three other accomplices torture and beat up McAvoy to try to get him to talk, but his amnesia is intractable. Frustrated with their efforts Cassell decides to use a hypnotist. Rosario Dawson is the hypnotist who helps McAvoy to regain his memory. Unfortunately other memories surface besides the location of the lost Goya.

What is remembered changes the plot. Bad guys get shuffled around. This is when the plot gets muddled. It is a bit more confusing than surprising. McAvoy’s change of persona is a bit disconcerting.  Rosario Dawson was a combination of steel and beauty. She plays a pivotal role but her sex appeal is a ruse.

Vincent Cassell plays to type. He plays the bad guy well, but with a sameness that we have seen before. The ensemble of actors works well with each and I would not discourage you from seeing this movie. Some parts of the movie are violent and pretty graphic. Also if you strongly object to female frontal nudity, this is not your movie. As for me I am OK with it.

Spring Breakers - Corn Dogs in his Hair

Spring Breakers

This was a scary movie. It was not the gratuitous T&A movie I expected. However, there were lots of T&A and enough six packs to stock a bodega. This movie was every parent’s night mare of spring break. The debauchery was epic. Guys were snorting blow from a girl’s belly button. Other guys were pouring beer from their crouch into the open mouth of girls between their legs. There was also the classic metaphor of a girl sticking a gun barrel in her mouth. One young woman was blitzed and half wearing a bikini  in a room with five guys wearing nothing but jock straps. Gee what could go wrong?

The four chicks in the movie were desperate to go on spring break. They were at some nondescript college in a nowhere town. They did not have enough money go so they resorted to extreme violence (that would serve them well later in the movie) to get the money. The goody-goody, Salina Gomez, aka Faith, did not participate in the money scheme.

They arrived in St. Petersburg Florida, which they though was heaven. Long story short they wind up in jail and Alien, played by that human chameleon James Franco, bails them out. Franco looks like a bleached out Snoop Dog. He has a shiny grill in his mouth, corn dogs in his hair and lots of bling. He is a gun totting drug dealer and wanna be rapper with a white baby grand piano by the pool and sings Brittney Spear songs. Obviously he is not from the Bronx.

Alien comes on to Faith. She is the youngest of the group but has the good sense to want to go home. She leaves her girlfriends behind who become Alien’s posse. At this point the movie splits. The first part had some redeeming value as a pseudo morality play but then it spirals into a kind of violent video game. The girls are transformed; neither money nor drugs excite them. Violence is their drug. A surreal episode was when the girls went to a gun fight wearing electric yellow string bikinis (do they make Kevlar bikinis?), pink baklavas, sneakers and clutching Tek9’s. At this point the movie became a cartoon.

The movie was not what I expected; still it was not entirely disappointing. I never experienced spring break and from this movie I am not sure if it was a good thing or a bad thing. See the movie and judge for yourself.