OMG, this movie was so boring it could be used as a general anesthetic.
Everyone went to this movie for the sex, but the lead up story was grueling tedious.
There was no sex for the first 43.5 minutes (typical). The dialogue was inane.
The actors were uninspired. Instead of camp the acting it was damp. Dakota
Johnson was submissive with sparks of defiance. Jamie Dornan plays Grey with
dull seriousness. As a twenty eight year old CEO of a major corporation he
cares more about his ties than business. He sports a look of consternation
which is either from conflicting emotions or constipation.
The books were written by E.L. James, some bored middle aged
English housewife, and sold over 100m copies; quantity does not imply quality. I
am certain everyone skipped the prologue and went directly to page 189. There
is a back story about Grey’s origin and savory hints are dropped in the movie.
If the sex is unsatisfying, hopefully Grey’s dark origin will bring you back to
the theatre (God help us, there is a sequel (s)). It is difficult to comment on
the acting. I am sure Johnson and Dornan are capable actors but they are victimized
by boring dialogue, indifferent directing and a meaningless plot. When I looked
up the plot summary in Wikipedia it said forgetaboutit.
So why did the audience put up with this nonsense? For the
sex of course. Although this was hyped as an S&M primer, there was nothing
new here. The Marguis de Sade, who is the godfather of S&M, piled his trade
in the 1700’s; regrettably before VHS. A quote from the Marquis, “It is always by way of pain one arrives at
pleasure”. The sex scenes were stern and lacked passion. The rope was red
but too thin. The pain room was a very neat and well organized with wipes neatly
hung in a row. There was a discernible lack of titillation.
For all this badgering, the movie cleared to date $500m (production
cost $40m). Sex does sell. Before seeing the movie I thought this was smut. It
is too listless to be smut. Remember to renew your Playboy subscription.
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