San Andreas

The action stars of this movie are the earthquakes and the tsunami, the Rock is just some guy flying a helicopter. This is the most un-Rock movie I have seen to date. He doesn’t kill anyone, shot anyone, break any one’s back or even takeoff his shirt. No pectoral dancing here ladies. Oh a correction, he does punch out one obnoxious looter.

The Rock and his estranged wife are looking for their daughter amidst the devastation of the San Francisco earthquake. I am not dissing this noble cause, but this is not Rockish. You would expect him to be knee deep in rubble saving babies and lifting trucks of the legs of some priest. Just rushing around looking for his daughter is boring. It is more boring when his daughter is a very smart and capable young woman able to take care of herself. She handles distress well. Anyone want to guess the ending?

There were actually flashes of acting on the Rock’s part. Getting all pissy about signing divorce papers and giving the new boyfriend the stinky eye. There was even a passionate kiss with his wife lasting a bit too long (closed mouth).

The earthquakes were biblical. Buildings fell like Jenga blocks with total disregard to building codes. Modern buildings in seismic areas are required to have life saving features. Then there is the claim of predicting earthquakes made by the head of Cal Tech’s seismic department played by Paul Giamatti. When they predicted an earthquake it was already occurring. That is not what predicting means. A prediction is something before it happens not when. Surprisingly Giamatti’s character does not know how probability works. A poor actuary sitting next to me groaned. 

This movie harkens back to the disaster films of the 1970’s: Airplane, Towering Inferno and Earthquake. Aside for innovations in computer graphics this film has the same chunkiness of its predecessors. The spectacle  overwhelms the story.

I hope this is not a trend for the Rock.  Please stick to mayhem, fast cars, guns and women of questionable morals. Anyone can save a lady in distress, but can they make their pecks dance?