Black Adam

 

Black Adam

Why did I see this movie? There is still part of a twelve-year-old boy rattling around in my brain. Sometimes he takes over and I give in.

This is probably one of the worst superhero movies I have seen. Eighty percent of the movie is just fights and battles. Black Adam does a lot of mayhem and killing. He is described as the superhero who kills people. Through out most of the movie Dwayne Johnson has a dower unsmiling face. The film lacks lighthearted banter which gives these types of films some comic relief. In part this is an origin story and starts in 2600 BC when he and his father were slaves toiling in the hills of the ancient kingdom of Kahndaq. The plot is convoluted, going back and forth from ancient times to the present.

Fighting Black Adam and then allying them selves with him are Justice League of America consisting of four superheroes. Pierce Bronson, sporting a distinguished grey goatee, is part of the JSA and he is the superhero Fate. Among other things Fate can see the future and he can see that he will not be part of the Black Adam sequel. Viola Davis is on screen for about one minute. The other actors do an adequate job but not anything remarkable. The film has a lot of CG but nothing outstanding. Mayhem is the signature of the movie, and it becomes boring and tedious.

Black Adam is critic proof. In four days, it has an international box office of $147 million and this does not include the lucrative Chinese market. With this revenue, the producers can tell Rotten Tomatoes, with a score of 38%, to go pound sand. DC will use this movie to launch a new franchise which guarantees sequels.

 

Hoobs and Shaw

I was a bit reluctant seeing another Fast and Furious movie. How many ways can you split a pie? What is this the 47^th F&F movie? The movie turned out to be quite entertaining. Aside from all the motor chases and fist fights the film has a familial theme.

In the early F&F movies Hobbs and Shaw really tried to kill each other. Now they are more like bickering brothers trying to show up one another. As the movie progresses the bickering lessens and comradery develops. It has a great cast. Besides Dwyane Johnson and Jason Statham, there is Idris Elba, Helen Mirren and Venessa Kirby. Johnson has more muscle, Statham more stubble and Mirren more wrinkles.

Helen Mirren is Shaw’s imprisoned mother. I can not tell you who Venessa Kirby is but she has a critical role. There are other two cameos by well known actors who I will not identify but are very funny and worth waiting for (stay after the credits).

Hobbs and Shaw are reluctant partners still harboring old grudges. They are such has hams they would be barred from a kosher deli. Ibis Elba is part human part cyborg. He has superhuman abilities and is controlled by a terrorist organization. A talented actor reduced to scowls and grunts; but he looks good in leather.

What about the plot? The plot is just an excuse for mayhem and pyrotechnics and there is plenty. Shaw drives an awesome McLaren at high speeds through the streets of London; a feat in itself. There is a scene with a helicopter and a bunch of trucks which is a scene stealer. Elba has an autonomous motorcycle that comes at his beck and call. You know some of the stunts are CG but they are impressive.

The film has a PG-13 rating so thank goodness there is no sex. The closest thing to sexy is a hot Mexican actress Eiza Gonzales. I was so distracted by her outfit I am uncertain if she was a good guy or a bad guy.

If you want to spend a mindless two hours, this is your movie. There are  some chuckles. Rotten Tomatoes gave the film  67%. It is estimated opening weekend it will clear $600m box office (budget $200m). So when is Fast and Furious 48^th coming out?

The Fate of the Furious

The Fate of the Furious                                                                                   April 18, 2017

All the Fast and Furious (F&F) hallmarks are present. Relentless action, steroid infused fights, fantastic car races, uber-pyrotechnics and a plot little more than a footnote. Some of the gags and CG are approaching cartoon status. In one scene, it was literally raining cars. There is so much testosterone in this movie Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson should have spontaneously sprouted hair like a Chiba Pet. This said, this film is probably the most fun movie of the franchise. Feeling financially secure the producers are taking themselves less seriously. Former rivals are becoming strange bed fellows.

Thank God Vin Diesel’s acting has not improved keeping the Dom Toretto mystic intact. Dwayne Johnson is the ex-foe now Toretto comrade. The two compete in the tightest tee shirt contest. Jason Statham retains his sand paper beard and has a duplicitous role of foe and friend. The transitions are entertaining. The rest of the crew Letty, Roman, Tej Parker are still good guys. Bucking baldness, Ludacris sports a full head of hair; he was funnier without it.

The arch villain is Charliz Theron (the most beautiful women in the world, in my opinion). Unsmiling with her bleached white dread locks, she almost looks unrecognizable. Her character was devoid of humor or humanity. What a waste of beauty and talent. Lindsey Lohan would have done it on the cheap baring talent.

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There are two new characters. One of them manages to humanize Jason Statham. Helen Mirrin appears briefly (I should have not mentioned her). A fun part of the movie is old friends and enemies make cameos contributing to the light heathenness of the movie.

Surprisingly, the opening scenes are in Cuba, specifically Old Havana where I was just a few weeks ago. I recognized the neighborhoods and the Capital Plaza de La Revolucion, the starting point of the mandatory drag race. What I did not see was a long-legged chick in a short floral micro mini skirt wearing red stilettos (size 6) waving a silk unmentionable to start the race. Senior moment or not that I would have remembered!

The fate in Fate of the Furious is the box office. The movie exceeded opening weekend estimates of +$100 m. Worldwide all time net box office (after production cost) for the franchise is about $3.4 billion. Incentive enough for more films. 

San Andreas

The action stars of this movie are the earthquakes and the tsunami, the Rock is just some guy flying a helicopter. This is the most un-Rock movie I have seen to date. He doesn’t kill anyone, shot anyone, break any one’s back or even takeoff his shirt. No pectoral dancing here ladies. Oh a correction, he does punch out one obnoxious looter.

The Rock and his estranged wife are looking for their daughter amidst the devastation of the San Francisco earthquake. I am not dissing this noble cause, but this is not Rockish. You would expect him to be knee deep in rubble saving babies and lifting trucks of the legs of some priest. Just rushing around looking for his daughter is boring. It is more boring when his daughter is a very smart and capable young woman able to take care of herself. She handles distress well. Anyone want to guess the ending?

There were actually flashes of acting on the Rock’s part. Getting all pissy about signing divorce papers and giving the new boyfriend the stinky eye. There was even a passionate kiss with his wife lasting a bit too long (closed mouth).

The earthquakes were biblical. Buildings fell like Jenga blocks with total disregard to building codes. Modern buildings in seismic areas are required to have life saving features. Then there is the claim of predicting earthquakes made by the head of Cal Tech’s seismic department played by Paul Giamatti. When they predicted an earthquake it was already occurring. That is not what predicting means. A prediction is something before it happens not when. Surprisingly Giamatti’s character does not know how probability works. A poor actuary sitting next to me groaned. 

This movie harkens back to the disaster films of the 1970’s: Airplane, Towering Inferno and Earthquake. Aside for innovations in computer graphics this film has the same chunkiness of its predecessors. The spectacle  overwhelms the story.

I hope this is not a trend for the Rock.  Please stick to mayhem, fast cars, guns and women of questionable morals. Anyone can save a lady in distress, but can they make their pecks dance?

Furious 7

Furious 7

In the past I said unkind things about the Fast and Furious franchise, I take none of it back. The best thing to say about this film is it is honest. You get what you paid for. It is two hours and twenty minutes of non-stop action. The story line was just an excuse to blow something up. The dialogue was forgettable, with or without Alzheimer. Acting consisted of various head shots either with a scowl or raised eyebrow (the Rock). Regrettably, Vin Diesel did not bring the level of acting to this role which he did in the Riddick movies.

This film follows the FF formula:

• ·        Car racing, car crashes or flying cars (with or without parachutes)
• ·        Fighting, lots of it.
• ·        Girl fights, cool.
• ·        Explosions; anything and everything that can explode.
• ·        Babes in skimpy outfits banned in Indiana, Wisconsin and Arkansas (I expected more babes).
• ·        The Rock flexing.
• ·        Vin Diesel’s smug sneer.
• ·        Michelle Rodrigues looking scary sexy

Added to this merry band were two new actors: Jason Statham and Kurt Russell. Don’t read this but Statham is the bad guy. Statham is a one man wrecking crew seeking vengeance for something I forgot (it really does not matter, just let him blow it up). Kurt Russell is a ghost agent materializing like a spider from above.  Gone is his blond mane of hair supplanted by a slicked back grey mop. His role is not pivotal but campy.

This film is a memoriam of sorts to Paul Walker. Much has been said about using his brother as a spare for filming. I could not tell the difference, but all will be revealed in Furious 8-Furious to be dead. Guess who makes a cameo appearance?