The Old Guard

The Old Guard

I will watch anything Charlize Theron is in: a perfume commercial,  as a one armed truck driver (Mad Max Fury Road), as an assassin with bad hair (Atomic Blond), as an overweight serial killer (Monster), even having sex with Seth Rogen, yuk (Long Shot). Since Charlize was in this movie I watched it. I was lost, I had no idea what was going on. My befuddlement is age related. I did not know the movie was based on a comic book of the same name. If you are over the age of thirty I recommend you to the  summary plot in Wikipedia. The Old Guard is  a band of immortal mercenaries. They do not age, their wounds heal and they can not be killed. They never say how old are but drop hints like the Crusades (one and two). One deficit of the movie their immortality is not explained.

Charlize leads of a group of three male mercenaries. A young female marine joins their ranks when she discovers she is immortal after a terrorist cuts her throat. Here too there is no backstory how she became immortal. The plot is not complicated, good guys fighting bad guys. To demonstrate their  indestructibility there is a lot of shooting, I mean a lot. They have Deadpool like regeneration with bullets popping out of their faces. There is a subplot concerning their immortality which makes it more interesting than just a shoot-m-up.

The villain in this movie is a pharmaceutical CEO who has nefarious plans for the immortals. This movie must have been made before the current pandemic because once vilified pharama CEOs are now our saviors. God help us.

Comic movies do not require much acting, but this film has some serious players. Charlize Thorn is an Oscar winner for Monster. Chiwetel Ejiofor may not be familiar to American audiences but he is an excellent British actor (see Pretty Dirty Things). The female marine is played by Kiki Layne. I do not know her work but she received very good reviews for her part in If Beale Street Could Talk.

If you have Netflix the movie is included in your package. Should you see this movie?  Sure, it beats dusting.

p.s. From the last scene, there will be a sequel.

Bombshell

Bombshell                                                                                                                    February 6, 2020

The word bombshell can be used as a double entendre. In the news it is an important fast breaking story. In the golden age of Hollywood a bombshell was an alluring  gorgeous starlet (see Hedy Lamar, doc. “Bombshell”) . This move has both. The film is a quasi-documentary with actual footage of events and in most instances uses real names.

The film is fast paced and since most everyone knows the story it feels a bit voyeuristic, but in a good way. The ensemble is terrific. I almost did not recognize Charlize Theron as Megan Kelly; the make-up was incredible. Not only did she look like Kelly, she captured  her uncompromising  attitude. Nicole Kidman played Gretchen Carlson with a stunning resemblance and a deep sense of betrayal. Margot Robbie plays Kayla Pospisil a fictional character. She is symbolic of all the victims of sexual abuse at the hands of Roger Ailes. She is  junior to the other two news women and her ambition and naivete make her a perfect target.  Roger Ailes is played by the incomparable  John Lithgow in a fat suit. Lithgow is masterful he plays Ailes as a dictatorial pig dangling choice spots on the news as bait to ambitious young women. Katie McKinnon plays a closeted lesbian with the door ajar. Her trademark humor is tinged with sadness and fear. Even if briefly, it was great to see Malcolm McDowell as Rupert Murdoch, an uncanny resemblance.

The Fox newsroom is toxic. Everyone fears Ailes and are scared of losing their jobs. The women wear skirts at work so their legs can be seen through  glass tables. It was fun trying to see how accurately the actors resembled  the real people. Sean Hannity  had a revolver in his waist belt, oblivious  that New York  does not permit  concealed weapons.

Charlize Theron in nominated for best actress and Margot Robbie is nominated for best supporting actress, both well deserved. What about Nicole Kidman? Her performance is Oscar worthy. Gretchen was the catalyst that brought down Ailes and Kidman played her role with profound pathos and grit.

Atomic Blond

Atomic Blond

There is a special place in hell for directors of coming attractions. This movie is not just a flimsy lesbian laced donnybrook depicted in movie trailers. It has all that and more. This is a very respectable spy movie set in 1989 in Berlin when the cold war was hot. This film is more like John le Carre than Ian Fleming. There are spies, double spies and triple spies. In the absence of Bond type gadgetry, commando fighting dominates the film. Theron’s muscular fighting was impressive and exhausting. Everything was a weapon: rope, hot plates, phones and of course red stiletto heels. Theron was a one woman racking crew. Towards the end of the movie Theron was black and blue. How much was real and how much was make up? Apparently, she had real commando trading in the film and she was hurt.

The movie was a bit slow on the up take. Theron’s character is being debriefed by John Goodman (CIA) and his MI6 counterpart.  Poor Goodman looks like a deflated balloon with his massive weight loss. The narrative is a bit tedious cutting back and forth between the action and the debriefing room. It is a bit distracting. James McAvoy is a British spy with many secrets. He sleazy performance is counterpoint to his usual wholesome roles. but well done overall.

Another key player is Sofia Boutella. She is a French spy who becomes Theron’s lover. The intimate scenes are more suggestive than graphic. Her screen presence, with her clothes on, is not significant but her character is important.

In the end, this film was a pleasant surprise. It wasn’t mindless Rambo type movie of scantly glad tall blondes jello wrestling (God forbid). The plot was homage to Cold War spy movies. This was also another attempt by Hollywood to woo a female audience to action films. Whereas Wonder Woman was wholesomeness on white bread, Atomic Blond is naughtiness thickly spread on black pumpernickel. The almighty buck is asexual.

p.s.-I regret to report that Charlize Theron has a manish ass. Her butt looks like two loafs of Wonder Bread pressed together rather than the classic pear-shaped derrieres of Renaissance art and certain Latino signers. Perfection is over rated. 

The Fate of the Furious

The Fate of the Furious                                                                                   April 18, 2017

All the Fast and Furious (F&F) hallmarks are present. Relentless action, steroid infused fights, fantastic car races, uber-pyrotechnics and a plot little more than a footnote. Some of the gags and CG are approaching cartoon status. In one scene, it was literally raining cars. There is so much testosterone in this movie Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson should have spontaneously sprouted hair like a Chiba Pet. This said, this film is probably the most fun movie of the franchise. Feeling financially secure the producers are taking themselves less seriously. Former rivals are becoming strange bed fellows.

Thank God Vin Diesel’s acting has not improved keeping the Dom Toretto mystic intact. Dwayne Johnson is the ex-foe now Toretto comrade. The two compete in the tightest tee shirt contest. Jason Statham retains his sand paper beard and has a duplicitous role of foe and friend. The transitions are entertaining. The rest of the crew Letty, Roman, Tej Parker are still good guys. Bucking baldness, Ludacris sports a full head of hair; he was funnier without it.

The arch villain is Charliz Theron (the most beautiful women in the world, in my opinion). Unsmiling with her bleached white dread locks, she almost looks unrecognizable. Her character was devoid of humor or humanity. What a waste of beauty and talent. Lindsey Lohan would have done it on the cheap baring talent.

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There are two new characters. One of them manages to humanize Jason Statham. Helen Mirrin appears briefly (I should have not mentioned her). A fun part of the movie is old friends and enemies make cameos contributing to the light heathenness of the movie.

Surprisingly, the opening scenes are in Cuba, specifically Old Havana where I was just a few weeks ago. I recognized the neighborhoods and the Capital Plaza de La Revolucion, the starting point of the mandatory drag race. What I did not see was a long-legged chick in a short floral micro mini skirt wearing red stilettos (size 6) waving a silk unmentionable to start the race. Senior moment or not that I would have remembered!

The fate in Fate of the Furious is the box office. The movie exceeded opening weekend estimates of +$100 m. Worldwide all time net box office (after production cost) for the franchise is about $3.4 billion. Incentive enough for more films. 

Mad Max: Fury Road

Mad Max: Fury Road

On a lazy summer Saturday afternoon in 1979 my sister and I went to the movies. Mad Max was playing, we had no idea what it was about. After it finished we still had no idea what was going on. The movie was spectacular and totally energizing with the post-apocalyptic fall out resulting in a brutal and a lawless environment. Mad Max was an early contributor to this genre and set standards.  

The new Mad Max is a visual extravaganza. The cinematography is outstanding and probably the film’s best feature (it was filmed in Namibia and Australia). The movie is non-stop with cars, trucks and motorcycles churning up dust crisscrossing the desert.  The bad guys are led by a plastic encased emphysema inflicted dog ugly warlord. He holds some sort of quasi deity position and just by looking at him the on looker has a sense of divinity. The evil minions, the War Boys, are pan face caked zealots with no regard to life believing the gates of Valhalla await them upon death. They wear outrageous costumes ranging from clownish out fits to S&M. Their weird combinations are funny to watch.

This is a simple movie. It is basically car (truck) chase movie. Charlize Theron, who plays Imperator Furiosa, is transporting valuable cargo which the bad guys want back. Tom Hardy is Max who initially was Theron’s captive but becomes an ally. There is a plot line about Furiosa’s back story and mission and Max’s adventures that got him to this point, but on the whole this is a just chase movie with lots of stunts and a two hour demolition derby with a high body count.

Hardy plays the strong silent type, and he is very silent.  He has about five lines in the movie not including grunts. Dialogue is not memorable; the movie’s emphasis is action. Theron has more speaking parts besides driving the truck. Driving the truck includes near death situations and heroics. For some inexplicable reason Theron is missing part of her left arm below the elbow. The remaining parts are still great. No one broke a sweat acting.

Some critiques have heaped adulation on the movie as a great artistic achievement (Rotten Tomato-99). They are certainly welcome to their opinion, but get real! This is just a very expensive chase movie with high mega wattage stars. In essence this is still a lazy Saturday afternoon flick.