F 9

 

F9

What can be said about Fast and Furious? What hasn’t been said about Fast and Furious? This is the ninth film in the twenty years run of the franchise. The worldwide gross box office is $6.8b at a cost of approximately of $2.1b. The films are formula driven. Fast cars, muscle bound  men, tough but attractive women, insane car chases and a plot that is an afterthought. Fast and Furious is character centric. Vin Diesel is the main character Dominic Toretto who has appeared in nearly all the films with his posse of  actors which he refers to as family.

This movie is a reunion of all the past FF characters. One character died in an earlier movie, but that did not stop the writers. Missing from this reunion is Dwight “The Rock” Johnson. Apparently there is bad blood between Johnson and Diesel. Johnson is a by the book kinda guy; on time do the shoot. Whereas Diesel is a tardy slacker who likes to schmooze with the crew. However, both manage to make $20m a film each.

The new element in this film is Dom’s estranged brother Jackob played by John Cena. I think they brought Cena in to make Diesel’s acting look better. Vin Diesel’s acting is like a car with one gear. He depends on his signature sneer to carry his acting. To dramatize the fall out between the brothers they used two younger actors as versions of Diesel and Cena. Aside from one having a round head for Diesel and the other a rectangular face for Cena, they looked nothing like them.

The film has some fantastic stunts which are either real or CG. One scene is just imbecilic with  two characters in outer space in a car with a rocket engine strapped to the back. A “ jumping the shark” moment.

The bottom line is if you did not see any prior FF films this is not for you. If you have, you know what to expect. FF 10 is in the works and will be released in 2022. If it is the last one I think it will open the door for Cena . He needs to work on his sneer.

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Guardians of the Galaxy 2                                                    May 27, 2017

If you liked the first one you will like this one. The plot is metaphysically inane, but who goes to see this type of movie for the plot. The movie is about comradery and family. Joining the retuning crew is Kurt Russell as Star Lords father, Ego. This is a new vein for comic mining. There is also a cameo appearance by Sylvester Stallone, two to be exact. Very chunky, so so funny.

The rest of the crew is present. Bradly Cooper is the wise ass Rocket, a bit less acid, more humanin. Zoe Saldana as the green Gamora is a more overtly affectionate with Chris Pratt and continues her epic sister rivalry with Nubula, the blue spray painted chick with the metallic body. Groot is still Baby Groot. He is a source of endless cuteness. Best dam pay day Vin Diesel ever made and no acting required, as usual.

Drax the Destroyer is still blue and dim witted but delivers some very hilarious lines.  Michael Rooker as Yondu Udonta, the blue skinned pirate who kidnaped Star Lord as a child, has an expanded role and fits into the movie’s familial theme. His golden arrow is as lethal as before but it targets real ugly bad guys (one guy is named Taserface) . A new character is Mantis, Pom Klementieff, she is part of Ego’s crew. She sports antennae and has large black saucer eyes giving her the appearance of an insect. She is a bit innocent and unwittingly comical. There may be something going on with Drax (there may be blue bug babies in GOG 3).

Some parts of the movie were hilarious. I cannot remember the last time I laughed out loud in the theater. The audience joined in. Most were just silly one liners or some sets ups were well executed. There is a lot of fighting and killing, but it was all antiseptic. The movie is about comradery and getting despicable bad guys to do right thing.

The music is a big part of the movie. I personally like the tunes of the first movie better. But as my son would say what do I know about music! Thanks to GOG the Sony Walkman is an item on EBay. Never throw shit away!!!!

The Fate of the Furious

The Fate of the Furious                                                                                   April 18, 2017

All the Fast and Furious (F&F) hallmarks are present. Relentless action, steroid infused fights, fantastic car races, uber-pyrotechnics and a plot little more than a footnote. Some of the gags and CG are approaching cartoon status. In one scene, it was literally raining cars. There is so much testosterone in this movie Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson should have spontaneously sprouted hair like a Chiba Pet. This said, this film is probably the most fun movie of the franchise. Feeling financially secure the producers are taking themselves less seriously. Former rivals are becoming strange bed fellows.

Thank God Vin Diesel’s acting has not improved keeping the Dom Toretto mystic intact. Dwayne Johnson is the ex-foe now Toretto comrade. The two compete in the tightest tee shirt contest. Jason Statham retains his sand paper beard and has a duplicitous role of foe and friend. The transitions are entertaining. The rest of the crew Letty, Roman, Tej Parker are still good guys. Bucking baldness, Ludacris sports a full head of hair; he was funnier without it.

The arch villain is Charliz Theron (the most beautiful women in the world, in my opinion). Unsmiling with her bleached white dread locks, she almost looks unrecognizable. Her character was devoid of humor or humanity. What a waste of beauty and talent. Lindsey Lohan would have done it on the cheap baring talent.

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There are two new characters. One of them manages to humanize Jason Statham. Helen Mirrin appears briefly (I should have not mentioned her). A fun part of the movie is old friends and enemies make cameos contributing to the light heathenness of the movie.

Surprisingly, the opening scenes are in Cuba, specifically Old Havana where I was just a few weeks ago. I recognized the neighborhoods and the Capital Plaza de La Revolucion, the starting point of the mandatory drag race. What I did not see was a long-legged chick in a short floral micro mini skirt wearing red stilettos (size 6) waving a silk unmentionable to start the race. Senior moment or not that I would have remembered!

The fate in Fate of the Furious is the box office. The movie exceeded opening weekend estimates of +$100 m. Worldwide all time net box office (after production cost) for the franchise is about $3.4 billion. Incentive enough for more films. 

Furious 7

Furious 7

In the past I said unkind things about the Fast and Furious franchise, I take none of it back. The best thing to say about this film is it is honest. You get what you paid for. It is two hours and twenty minutes of non-stop action. The story line was just an excuse to blow something up. The dialogue was forgettable, with or without Alzheimer. Acting consisted of various head shots either with a scowl or raised eyebrow (the Rock). Regrettably, Vin Diesel did not bring the level of acting to this role which he did in the Riddick movies.

This film follows the FF formula:

• ·        Car racing, car crashes or flying cars (with or without parachutes)
• ·        Fighting, lots of it.
• ·        Girl fights, cool.
• ·        Explosions; anything and everything that can explode.
• ·        Babes in skimpy outfits banned in Indiana, Wisconsin and Arkansas (I expected more babes).
• ·        The Rock flexing.
• ·        Vin Diesel’s smug sneer.
• ·        Michelle Rodrigues looking scary sexy

Added to this merry band were two new actors: Jason Statham and Kurt Russell. Don’t read this but Statham is the bad guy. Statham is a one man wrecking crew seeking vengeance for something I forgot (it really does not matter, just let him blow it up). Kurt Russell is a ghost agent materializing like a spider from above.  Gone is his blond mane of hair supplanted by a slicked back grey mop. His role is not pivotal but campy.

This film is a memoriam of sorts to Paul Walker. Much has been said about using his brother as a spare for filming. I could not tell the difference, but all will be revealed in Furious 8-Furious to be dead. Guess who makes a cameo appearance?

Fast and Furious 6

This is going to be a difficult review to write. What is different about this movie than the others? Oh yeah, it has the number 6 at the end of the title. Thank God, the opening credits had a retrospective of images from all of the prior Fast and Furious films (except for Tokyo Drift-don’t ask how I knew that). Fast and Furious 6, like the rest of the family, is another testosterone infused movie garnished with lots of T&A. The movie is sophomoric, but eminently watchable.

The acting was unmemorable. A block of granite can emote more emotion than Vin Diesel. His trade make smirk has almost become a tattoo on his face.  As for the Rock, those acting lessons are really paying off. He can talk and flex his pecks at the same time. With their big muscle bound heads the Rock and Vin look identical. Thank goodness for their different acting styles that sets them apart. Ludacris is the brianiac techie who for the most part is humorless. Tyrese gives some much need funny lines to compensate for his pretty face. Michelle Rodrigues reappears in the movie. She is hot, but she looks like she just sucked a lemon with a sour puss. As for the blond guy I have only seen him in FF movies so I really do not know what he can do besides drive cars. The bad guy is a psychopath and I think he was English but he kept his teeth clenched for most of the movie (no glasses either).

As for the script, forgetaboutit. Why do you need a script to chase cars and chicks? This script is just driving instructions to the demolition derby. The movie has the prerequisite street car race, which is the hallmark of the FF movies, in London. They found the one chick who could count to three with long legs and short shorts to start the race. Drag racing in London traffic is like roller blading in Grand Central Terminal at 5pm.

Some shots are fantastic. The stunts are impressive also (real deal and light on the CG). There are some imaginative chases which is the heart of the movie (not all were with cars). As a guy movie this was fun to watch. For all the slights this franchise has made $1.6b and counting. Stick around for the ending credits they are worth watching.