Spectre

I have been in Milan for fifteen days and needed a fix, badly. I went to the local cinema and BUENA FORTUNA, Spectre was playing. I bought the ticket and rushed to make the two o’clock show. And, and the movie is in Italian! What the hell! This is an American movie with English stars. After calming down I rationalized this may not be a big deal. Basically, in Bond movies, James kills every one and get laid. Bada Bing Bada Boom.

Let’s put the Monica Bellucci thing to bed. Her screen time was about five minutes and the simulated (not stimulated) sex was about one minute. She is an attractive fifty year old women with fifty year old hands and fifty year old eyes. Any man would be proud to have her on his arm. But time and gravity are unforgiving.

Bond movies still remind me of when I was a kid. The opening credits and music are exciting. This movie does not disappoint. After Sean Connery, I think Daniel Craig is the best Bond. His cold blue eyes, pursed lips and his Walter PPK make him a remorseless killer. The movie is filled with action and Bond continually survives near death situations (Dah). One scene is painful to watch but at least the screaming was in English. The movie has some of the best aerial stunts involving inverted helicopters and wrecked airplanes. There is also the requisite pyrotechnics on a massive scale.  

Ralph Fiennes reprises his role as M and has a more muscular role in this movie. He is in front of the desk shooting bad guys. Ben Whishaw is the mop headed gadget wizard Q, is also targeted by bad guys. The new Bond girl is Lea Seydeoux. She blond and tall and not the sexist Bond girl wearing high heels. She is French with an English veneer making her crinkly. There is a new henchman, Mr. Hinx who is reminiscent of Oddjob, both in bulk and dearth of acting ability. Luckily, Mr. Hinx had no dialogue.

The gadgets were always a big draw for the Bond movies. Aside from the Omega watch which does more than tell time, the new Austin Martin DB 10 is one of the sexiest stars of the show. For fun they include some retro accessories into the car. Regrettably these are the only two gadgets of note.

My biggest regret is not hearing Christoph Waltz's lilting German accent. No dubbing does him justice. He is the villain, Franz Oberhauser, head Spectre and their goal is either world domination or destruction, whichever comes first. Waltz has a clam approach to evil; soft spoken and utterly ruthless. Fighting Spectre is a throwback to the Connery movies. They even reprised the white fluffy Persian cat Blofeld use to stroke.

What I missed most without dialogue are the glib one liners characteristic of these movies. Having seen all twenty three Bond movies I have some idea of the plot sans dialogue. I will be delighted to see it in English to fill in the blanks, big ones. This movie will do big box office and I recommend you see it. As good as this movie is I think Casino Royal is the best of the new Bond movies.

Regrettably my Italian only served me well asking where the location of the bathroom. Mi dispiace!

n.b. In Italian movie theaters they assign seats. I realized this after the show (there were only about 15 people in the theater).

In the middle of the movie they have a five minute intermission. Not knowing any better when the lights went on I dashed to the nearest by emergency exit.

The Walk

The Walk

This movie is ridiculous. It is not really a movie but a documentary masquerading as a movie. Philippe Petit, as played by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, narrated the whole movie. In some shots he stands atop the Statue of Liberty’s torch with the Towers as background looking directly at the camera and addressing the audience.

This film has two gimmicks. The first is getting you to spend $21.00 the 3D version of the movie so you can experience all the special effects. The other is to try to induce vertigo from the high wire shots at the top of the towers. This is all done with green screens on sound lots. The effects are good but you know they are simply looking at graphics.

The movie is a biopic about Philippe Petit. Gordon-Levitt plays him like a strutting French cock with kinetic energy looking for the next challenge/high.  He is an e self-promoting egotist. He has no redeeming value and seeks only notoriety. He has an annoying French accent and wears a fright wig. There is nothing appealing about his character, the walk is solely for him.

Ben Kingsley is a father figure and mentor who gives him valuable advice about walking the wire. He has a generic east European accent which Sir Kingsley delivers flawlessly. Charlotte Le Bon is the love interest. She is lovely and she did the role well.

The center piece of the movie is the walk. Gordon-Levitt narrates every step as if he was broadcasting from some news desk. Every leathery foot step is magnified on the screen and the steel wire jutes out in 3D over the audience’s heads. The realism of the shoots from the top of the towers can cause vertigo (fear not, I was fine).

One big plus of the movie is nostalgia. It was great to see the towers in their glory. The walk was done in August 1974 so the Towers were not finished. How he and his crew got to the roof is extraordinary. I am certain these events are true, but this was such an innocent period before our world fell apart on 9 11.

A very strange movie, I cannot recommend it.

The Martian

The Martian

This movie has generated a lot of hype; does it live up to it? In my opinion not all the way. As a Ridely Scott movie it garners a certain level of prestige. He has directed big hits such as Blade Runner and Alien and some foul balls like Robin Hood and Exodus: Gods and Kings. In this nearly three hour, large parts are tedious. The film is a combination of Lost in Space and This Old House. Matt Damon’s character is marooned on Mars and to survive he has to improvise how to make dirt, water, plants and fix broken machinery. At one point he actually uses duct tape (man’s best friend) to fix a broken helmet. Tension in this movie is like a deflated tire and only towards the end is some pressure applied.  

There are big stars in this movie. Supporting Matt Damon are: Jessica Chastain, Kata Mara, Kristien Wiig, Chitwetel Edjiofor, Michael Pena and Jeff Daniels. No one broke any serious drama sweat. They portrayed a steely cold can do NASA attitude. This makes good copy for NOVA but not for drama. Even in life threatening situations Damon’s character is almost placid (recall Tom Hanks in Apollo 13, you could cut tension with a knife). There was light comedy which is a plus. To keep their PG rating they could not say the F word and had to mouth it.

Jessica Chastain was the cool commander who has some key parts towards the end. Kristien Wiig is the relations executive who seemed a bit out of her element. No funnies from her. The rest of the actors were pretty straight forward. Aside from Michal Pena I was not familiar with the rest of the crew. Jeff Danial’s plays the director of NASA as a stiff. He does it really well.

As with his other Ridley Scott films cinematography is rich and spectacular. The graphics were great and the rendering of the Mars’s surface is realistic. I am sure all the NASA paraphernalia is accurate. The duct tape was real.

The last few minutes has the best suspense of the whole movie. No, I will not say what happens. Are the last few minutes’ worth the whole movie? This is not Apollo 13 or even Gravity. The Martian is a feel good can do attitude movie. I know I am swimming against the tide of raves from the critiques with this review, so please make up your own mind as you should always do.

The Man from Uncle

The Man from Uncle

In the early 60’s I use to faithfully watch the TV show The Man from U.N.C.L.E.. It was fun, the gadgets were great, the chicks were plentiful and trying to understand the heavy Russian accented voice of Lllya Kuryakin as uttered by a Scotsman was a challenge. The geopolitics of the Cold War were lost on a thirteen year old boy, but the Russian Missile Crisis scared the crap out of me. 

The movie is set during the hot period of the Cold War. Our boys are trying to stop renegade Nazis’s from making a nuclear bomb. The USA and USSR work together with fingers crossed behind their back. The movie recreates the 60’s feeling with clothes, make up and cars. Most of the action takes place in Italy near Rome. Lots of Italian is spoken in the movie and large yellow subtitles are used, which are unnecessary for us native speakers. 

The 2015 Man from Uncle movie has little to do with the TV show aside from using the same names for the protagonists. Henry Cavell is Napoleon Solo, played by Henry Cavill, who is proto Bond; very debonair and a chick magnet. Amie Hammer plays Lllya Kuryakin. Compared to the original petite T.V. actor, Armie looks like a refrigerator with shoes. Hugh Grant plays Waverly who is the movie’s equivalent of the incomparable Leo C. Carroll. Grant comes in at the tail end of the movie with his patented grin and effortless style. The villainesses is a tall glass of water named the Countessa Victoria Vinciguerra (which in English means “wina the war”). She wore so much eye make, raccoons were jealous. The Countessa looked like Twiggy only forty pounds heavier and twelve inches taller.  The heroine is Alicia Vikander who plays a key role as Gabriella Telller. Teller is cute, smart and the lynch pin of the operation. After many false starts there is a near kiss with the shy Kuryakin (regrettably there is absolutely no sex). In the credits I noticed t David Beckham played the projectionist. I had no idea he was in the movie. Sporting too many tattoos he blended in with wallpaper.

The actors were marvelous together. In the beginning there was that American Russian distrust which evolves into coexistence, but not quite friendship. This movie is hilarious. It is an action/comedy. The audience laughed out loud more than once. The director is Guy Ritchie who has this great talent for mixing violence and comedy (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and the Sherlock Holmes films). This is a simple movie with 1960’s sensibilities. It is fun, which is good enough.

Ciao

Mission Impossible Rogue Nation

I wasn’t expecting much. After all this is another MI movie; been there done that. Also I had no desire to see a shirtless man with fifty three year old abs hanging like a salami from a post. Well, I was wrong. This is a fast paced exciting movie with new daring stunts. The plot is not convoluted and easily followed. The MI team is efficient and work well together. The film has a rich feel to it with glamorous locations. With a production cost of $150m (x 2 for distribution) the aging Tom Terrific better be terrific.

 Tom does his own stunts. For an old man that is amazing. In the trailers you see him hanging from the outside of a cargo plan as it ascends. This is real. The wind is so strong his toupee almost flew off. There is an underwater scene where he holds his breath for six minutes. Come on, what actor keep his mouth shut for that long. One stunt I do not believe he did is the motor cycle scene where Tom is racing without a helmet going so fast he has to put his knee down one inch from the ground like those crazy Italians.

Then there is Simon Pegg. He is moving up in the ranks and is the second banana in this film. He is the MI tech wizard. Besides being brilliant, but not consistent, he is very funny which is a welcomed addition to the movie .

Rebecca Ferguson is the femme fatale. She is a gymnastic beauty with endless legs. Her fighting style is formidable. She has this one move where she jumps in the air does a scissor lock around this guy’s head and smothers him with her tights on the ground. Nice way to go!  

 Jeremy Renner is unremarkable as an enabler. Towards the end there is a gun fight and he sees some action. Ving Rhames is hugh. His stunt is just getting out of a chair. Hope he makes it to the next MI. Alec Baldwin is the head of the CIA. He over acts; what a surprise.

Tom, really you did a great job. Your AARP application is in the mail.

Mr. Holmes

Mr. Holmes

Sir Ian McKellen hails from the school of great British actors including John Gielgud, Derek Jacobi and Ralph Fiennes. This small jewel of a movie is a showcase for a master actor. Mckellen plays Holmes devoid of his pipe, cap and cape. This Holmes is more debonair with a silk top hat and a bespoke suit. His attitude is prickly and distant.  McKellen can play the role without words. You know what he is saying just by looking at him. He ages ten years just by using facial expressions. We have not seen this Holmes before. At 93 stands at the edge of darkness and refuses to look down.

Holmes retired 35 years ago and lives on a farm in Dover. He lives with his house keeper Mrs. Munro, played by Laura Linney and her young son Roger. All of Holmes’s loved ones have passed on: Dr. Watson, his brother Mycroft and Mrs. Hudson his former house keeper. These deaths put a profound sadness on Holmes, but what scares him more is his loss of memory. What Dr. Morioirty could not do with a gun and a dagger, Alzheimer is killing cell by cell. Desperately seeking a cure for his memory loss he travels to Japan for a plant found in the fields of Hiroshima. At home he cultivates Royal Jelly hoping for the same cure. They prove to be hokum. He is more frightened of losing his memory than death.

There is a story within a story. Compared to other Holmes tales this one is a simple. It is a vehicle to show how Holmes wound up in his farm house. The sad outcome of the case lead to his retirement.

Mercifully this movie is devoid of stunts and CG. The great unwashed will ridicule the movie’s low box office but be confounded by the great number of nominations it garners. This is an actor’s movie, the cast is outstanding. For the Master Piece Theater crowd this film is for you. For you Sherlock Holmes groupies, this movie is for you. For the rest, you could do a lot worst.

Jurassic World

Jurassic World

This is movie is predictable and formulaic. There are the munch and crunch dinosaurs, herbivores who invariably become appetizers, lost kids in peril and a super designed dino’s, Indominus.  Inodminus dominates the movie terrorizing the park. The other non-human stars are the four Velociraptors. In this film they are domesticated (sort of) by Chris Pratt. Frankly I prefer the vicious cunning flesh ripping raptors of the first film rather than these semi-tamed hunting dogs.

Chris Pratt plays a He-man like character with gun in hand, knife in his belt and a shirt he should have changed a week age. He is the alpha male, unless the dinosaurs tell him otherwise. He plays the role too straight which is unfortunate since the movie could have used his well-honed humor (big mistake).

Bryce Dallas Howard, plays Claire Dearing, with her porcelain looks and Cleopatra haircut. She is the park’s CEO. She does the whole movie wearing six inch heels, even running in the jungle. Her character starts out a cool in control executive and deteriorates in to panicked screaming wreck.  Taking a serious actress and reducing her to a screaming wretch seems like a waste of money and talent.

Claire’s two nephews visit the park. They are wholesome non-descript kids from anywhere America. The Jurassic franchise uses kids as a barometer to gauge fear with their eyes popping out and lips cracked from screaming. No different here.

In this type of movie acting is tertiary. No one’s performance can be criticized because they are part of a spectacle. Actors could be interchangeable. All the director wants is a marquee name to boost box office.   

This movie is like a beloved amusement park ride. You know what to expect with highs between the lows. You have been on the ride before and you will again. If you are a paleontologist or still enchanted with your childhood plastic dinosaurs, this is your movie. But if you resist the urge to see the film, consider saving your money for another flick, perhaps the Grey series (NEVER!!!).