Tomorrowland

Tomorrowland is a children’s movie, a $190m children’s movie. The back story is the 1964 New York City World’s Fair where hints of the future are showcased and are the blue prints for the movie. In its boredom this film is classic Disney, harkening back to the 1960’s when it made sanitized wholesome broadcasts. The PG rating makes the movie devoid of anything interesting for adults. The children actors were cute but your money would be better spent at a petting zoo.

George Clooney does not appear until half way through the movie. The first half is devoted to a teenage girl and an adorable android girl and their benign   misadventures.  When Clooney appears he is a cantankerous grizzled middle aged man (Giving up suaveness must have been great sacrifice). Initially resisting to cooperate   with the girl’s Clooney falls in with them (surprise) and they go to Tomorrowland.  

Hugh Laurie shows up even later in the movie than Clooney. He is the evil Governor Nix who rules Tomorrowland. He is more bad than evil, George and Hugh have some non-belligerent history between them.  Towards the end of the movie Laurie breaks the Disney coda and says a mild curse, “bollocks”. Bollocks has many meanings in English slang, I am rooting for “balls”.

Because of the PG rating there is no sex (dah) but battles with the evil robots are sanitized to the point of tiresomeness.  Heads pop off like Ken dolls and motor oil substitutes for blood. A little Terminator brutality would have spiced up this dull broth.

The plot is all over the place. They hop from the present to the future using a small token with a capital blue T (wait until some kid chokes on this token as a tie in for a cereal). There is some reference to annihilation, but the why and wherefore are foggy.

The acting is on level of a wet paper towel. All the actors are good looking and cute (except Laurie). You would feel OK if your daughter or son dated them (except Clooney). But I refuse to pay $11.00 (senior citizen) for cute. If I want cute I would I buy a dam bunny. Disney tried for nostalgia with Tomorrowland, however their audience was fifty years ago. 

Mad Max: Fury Road

Mad Max: Fury Road

On a lazy summer Saturday afternoon in 1979 my sister and I went to the movies. Mad Max was playing, we had no idea what it was about. After it finished we still had no idea what was going on. The movie was spectacular and totally energizing with the post-apocalyptic fall out resulting in a brutal and a lawless environment. Mad Max was an early contributor to this genre and set standards.  

The new Mad Max is a visual extravaganza. The cinematography is outstanding and probably the film’s best feature (it was filmed in Namibia and Australia). The movie is non-stop with cars, trucks and motorcycles churning up dust crisscrossing the desert.  The bad guys are led by a plastic encased emphysema inflicted dog ugly warlord. He holds some sort of quasi deity position and just by looking at him the on looker has a sense of divinity. The evil minions, the War Boys, are pan face caked zealots with no regard to life believing the gates of Valhalla await them upon death. They wear outrageous costumes ranging from clownish out fits to S&M. Their weird combinations are funny to watch.

This is a simple movie. It is basically car (truck) chase movie. Charlize Theron, who plays Imperator Furiosa, is transporting valuable cargo which the bad guys want back. Tom Hardy is Max who initially was Theron’s captive but becomes an ally. There is a plot line about Furiosa’s back story and mission and Max’s adventures that got him to this point, but on the whole this is a just chase movie with lots of stunts and a two hour demolition derby with a high body count.

Hardy plays the strong silent type, and he is very silent.  He has about five lines in the movie not including grunts. Dialogue is not memorable; the movie’s emphasis is action. Theron has more speaking parts besides driving the truck. Driving the truck includes near death situations and heroics. For some inexplicable reason Theron is missing part of her left arm below the elbow. The remaining parts are still great. No one broke a sweat acting.

Some critiques have heaped adulation on the movie as a great artistic achievement (Rotten Tomato-99). They are certainly welcome to their opinion, but get real! This is just a very expensive chase movie with high mega wattage stars. In essence this is still a lazy Saturday afternoon flick.  

Ex Machina

Ex Machina (or as we say in Italian Ex Machina) is a movie about AI, artificial intelligence. There have been numerous AI movie from I Robot to Terminator. This movie is not as action filled as its predecessors. Ex Machina, especially in the beginning, is more cerebral. These films always have a Dr. Frankenstein question, “What have I created? Is it good or bad?”  The good in this case is Ava. She has a pleasant face, nice hands and feet and body parts from Home Depot.

This is basically a three character movie:

• Domhnail Glesson plays Caleb the code writer and house guest
• Oscar Isaac plays Nathan the CEO of the tech company making robots with AI.
• Alicia Vikander plays Ava (or parts of her anyway) the robot with advanced AI.

Caleb won a contest to spend a week at Nathan’s fabulous minimalist home. Caleb is part of a Turing test team to determine a robot’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior. The tests are conducted by Caleb in sessions with Ava sitting on the other side of a glass patrician. At one point Ava asks questions befuddling Caleb. As the movie progresses these plot turns increase transforming the movie from the original premise.

For most of the movie all we see of Ava is her transparent plastic body. When she puts on a dress and wig she looks very human. Accessorized AI makes the woman.  Her intellectual and emotional advancements are the heart of the movie. She is inorganic but evolves.

Isaac is the driving force in the movie. He is an arrogant egotistical multi-millionaire totally focused on his project and indifferent to collateral damage. Isaac plays the role with great passion making his character odious and detestable (he cuts a mean rug).  He irritably says Dude so often he could be a James Franco double.

Caleb is the brainy innocent, a bit slow on the take up.  He has good intentions but they are not reciprocated.  Nathan underestimates Caleb’s hacking ability and tenacity, which is the short coming of arrogance.

The film is not breaking new ground when it comes to AI movies, but it has a distinctive style and mood.  Instead of the Terminator you have Ava beguiling her way into hearts and minds. Both are potent.

Furious 7

Furious 7

In the past I said unkind things about the Fast and Furious franchise, I take none of it back. The best thing to say about this film is it is honest. You get what you paid for. It is two hours and twenty minutes of non-stop action. The story line was just an excuse to blow something up. The dialogue was forgettable, with or without Alzheimer. Acting consisted of various head shots either with a scowl or raised eyebrow (the Rock). Regrettably, Vin Diesel did not bring the level of acting to this role which he did in the Riddick movies.

This film follows the FF formula:

• ·        Car racing, car crashes or flying cars (with or without parachutes)
• ·        Fighting, lots of it.
• ·        Girl fights, cool.
• ·        Explosions; anything and everything that can explode.
• ·        Babes in skimpy outfits banned in Indiana, Wisconsin and Arkansas (I expected more babes).
• ·        The Rock flexing.
• ·        Vin Diesel’s smug sneer.
• ·        Michelle Rodrigues looking scary sexy

Added to this merry band were two new actors: Jason Statham and Kurt Russell. Don’t read this but Statham is the bad guy. Statham is a one man wrecking crew seeking vengeance for something I forgot (it really does not matter, just let him blow it up). Kurt Russell is a ghost agent materializing like a spider from above.  Gone is his blond mane of hair supplanted by a slicked back grey mop. His role is not pivotal but campy.

This film is a memoriam of sorts to Paul Walker. Much has been said about using his brother as a spare for filming. I could not tell the difference, but all will be revealed in Furious 8-Furious to be dead. Guess who makes a cameo appearance?

It Follows

It Follows

The last time a movie scared me I was eleven and snuck into my sister’s bed to use her as a human shield in case the Wolf Man attacked. Luckily nothing happened. This movie is not full throttle scary like the Exorcist, Poltergeist or Alien. It is a low budget art house movie. But it is very effective and clever. Instead of using big FX and expensive special effects it relies on imagination and a good story. The movie is a mash up between Alfred Hitchcock and Stephen King. It has the timing of Hitchcock and the creepiness of Stephen King. The actors are not well known (at least to me), but they do an effective job of scaring themselves and the audience.

There were genuine moments of fear. At one point the hair on the back of my neck went up and I am ashamed to admit I covered my eyes while peeking through my fingers (I think twice).  The “It” of It Follows is a specter that only can only be seen by the person possessed. The victim then tries to pass on the curse to some else to free themselves of the damnation. The tension comes when the victim sees a specter but no one else does. The movie creates an atmosphere of dread. The location is some depressed suburbia past its prime where lawns are tattered and rusty chain link fences need to be replaced. There is nothing evil about the neighborhood, but its banality intensifies the sense foreboding. Like the victim you do not know if the person approaching is real or not, making you a participant of the movie. The killings are not terribly gruesome but are inventive and wicked.

I realize this an art house movie and may not be available near you (especially in New Jersey). But when it comes up in Netflix it is worth viewing. A human shield is not required, popcorn is optional. 

50 Shades of Grey

50 Shades of Grey

OMG, this movie was so boring it could be used as a general anesthetic. Everyone went to this movie for the sex, but the lead up story was grueling tedious. There was no sex for the first 43.5 minutes (typical). The dialogue was inane. The actors were uninspired. Instead of camp the acting it was damp. Dakota Johnson was submissive with sparks of defiance. Jamie Dornan plays Grey with dull seriousness. As a twenty eight year old CEO of a major corporation he cares more about his ties than business. He sports a look of consternation which is either from conflicting emotions or constipation.

The books were written by E.L. James, some bored middle aged English housewife, and sold over 100m copies; quantity does not imply quality. I am certain everyone skipped the prologue and went directly to page 189. There is a back story about Grey’s origin and savory hints are dropped in the movie. If the sex is unsatisfying, hopefully Grey’s dark origin will bring you back to the theatre (God help us, there is a sequel (s)). It is difficult to comment on the acting. I am sure Johnson and Dornan are capable actors but they are victimized by boring dialogue, indifferent directing and a meaningless plot. When I looked up the plot summary in Wikipedia it said forgetaboutit.  

So why did the audience put up with this nonsense? For the sex of course. Although this was hyped as an S&M primer, there was nothing new here. The Marguis de Sade, who is the godfather of S&M, piled his trade in the 1700’s; regrettably before VHS. A quote from the Marquis, “It is always by way of pain one arrives at pleasure”. The sex scenes were stern and lacked passion. The rope was red but too thin. The pain room was a very neat and well organized with wipes neatly hung in a row. There was a discernible lack of titillation.

For all this badgering, the movie cleared to date $500m (production cost $40m). Sex does sell. Before seeing the movie I thought this was smut. It is too listless to be smut. Remember to renew your Playboy subscription. 

Kingsman: The Secret Service

Kingsman: The Secret Service

This is a very entertaining movie. I had reservations about Colin Firth playing an action figure.  The Brigitte Jones’ Diary and The King’s Speech are not boot camps for action roles. However, he does an excellent job while impeccably dressed (for a Brit that is) wielding an umbrella as a weapon.  The movie is a mélange of genres. There is homage to the 1960’s TV show The Avengers where John Steed the upper class agent battled villains with his bowler hat and cane. Kingsman uses elements of cartoon to render some horrific scenes more palatable. Some fight scenes could have come off the drawing table of cartoonist Tex Avery. The gadgetry is swiped directly from James Bond sans Q. All the parts work. This makes the movie interesting; you do not think it will work, but they do.

Before going on too far this is definitely a guy movie, but no one should be put off. It is not just a movie about body count (although there is a lot), the plot is interesting. There is no gratuities sex in the move except for one in the end. A key sub plot is the recruitment of Eggsy Unwin (Taron Egerton) into the Kingsman. Unwin is East End rather than Eaton and needs more than a new suit to cover his rough hide. The recruitment tests are clever and raise the movie a notch above the usual fair. Egerton plays the role with the naiveté which you expect from a recruit but his confidence and skills grow with experience. Firth and Egerton play the roles of mentor and mentee and a strong bond grows.

The villain is Samuel L. Jackson with an insufferable lisp. He is a billionaire industrialist who has a deadly plan to solve global warning. He wears a hip-hop designer baseball cap with a bespoke tailor made suit. He is wacky and mad. His tools of destruction are a sublime appeal to the consumer culture. Again this is an interesting combination of Dr. Evil and Blofeld (Bond bad guy) but it works.

The most intriguing character is Sophie Boutella who plays Gazelle. She has prostatic legs with deadly sharp blades for feet accented with killer spiked steel high heels (I Googled her and mercifully she has legs, nice ones too). She used her blades to slice and dice the Brits. It is very interesting seeing her bouncing like a sexy pogo stick. This is definably a movie for Oscar Pistorious to watch.

Two other characters of note are Michael Cain and Mark Strong. Cain plays the head of Kingsman and is an old upper crust wretch. Mark Strong plays the task master who monitors the recruitment tests and is the side kick. Strong usually plays the heavy so it was refreshing to see him play the good guy.

Stay to watch the credits!