Jurassic World

Jurassic World

This is movie is predictable and formulaic. There are the munch and crunch dinosaurs, herbivores who invariably become appetizers, lost kids in peril and a super designed dino’s, Indominus.  Inodminus dominates the movie terrorizing the park. The other non-human stars are the four Velociraptors. In this film they are domesticated (sort of) by Chris Pratt. Frankly I prefer the vicious cunning flesh ripping raptors of the first film rather than these semi-tamed hunting dogs.

Chris Pratt plays a He-man like character with gun in hand, knife in his belt and a shirt he should have changed a week age. He is the alpha male, unless the dinosaurs tell him otherwise. He plays the role too straight which is unfortunate since the movie could have used his well-honed humor (big mistake).

Bryce Dallas Howard, plays Claire Dearing, with her porcelain looks and Cleopatra haircut. She is the park’s CEO. She does the whole movie wearing six inch heels, even running in the jungle. Her character starts out a cool in control executive and deteriorates in to panicked screaming wreck.  Taking a serious actress and reducing her to a screaming wretch seems like a waste of money and talent.

Claire’s two nephews visit the park. They are wholesome non-descript kids from anywhere America. The Jurassic franchise uses kids as a barometer to gauge fear with their eyes popping out and lips cracked from screaming. No different here.

In this type of movie acting is tertiary. No one’s performance can be criticized because they are part of a spectacle. Actors could be interchangeable. All the director wants is a marquee name to boost box office.   

This movie is like a beloved amusement park ride. You know what to expect with highs between the lows. You have been on the ride before and you will again. If you are a paleontologist or still enchanted with your childhood plastic dinosaurs, this is your movie. But if you resist the urge to see the film, consider saving your money for another flick, perhaps the Grey series (NEVER!!!).

Spy

Spy

This is a very funny movie. The laughs run throughout the movie with all actors contributing. Melissa McCarthy leaves angry Tammy and the loud mouth bridesmaid at the door for Susan Cooper, a shy and insecure desk agent. McCarty has fine comedic timing and her sharp commentary give the film an enjoyable and steady pace. She uses her girth as an asset for physical comedy which is impressive (or is it a body double?)

The plot is to stop the sale of a portable nuclear device. Susan goes from desk to field agent because she is unrecognizable to enemy. Her target is Rayana Boyanov, the daughter of the bomb maker, played brilliantly by Rose Byrne. The look of disdain is tattooed on Byrne’s face. Her dresses look like they come from the hooker section of Fredrick’s of Hollywood; but her pumps are gorgeous. Her mouth is as foul as she is beautiful. Besides trying to kill each other there is repartee between Susan and Rayana insulting each other’s fashion choices.  To fit into a high class casino Susan loses her polyester for a hugh designer black gown which resembles a Bedouin tent with feet.

Jude Law is the suave secret agent who Susan secretly loves. He is oblivious to her, fixated only on his perfect hair and pressed tux. His skill is dispatching bad guys and bedding bad girls.

Jason Statham leaves his comfort zone. He exchanges his karate skills and visible abs for a comic persona. He is a disgruntled, not too bright, foul mouth agent.  The target of his salvos is Susan and they are some of the best lines in the movie. I give him a B+ for the temerity to do comedy, but his timing is as rough as his sandpaper beard.

 Miranda Hart plays Susan’s pal and she too is inept in the field. Miranda is an English actress from a BBC TV series, “Call the Midwife”. She is very tall, very funny and perfect the side kick. She towers over the stunted McCarthy and they make the perfect Mutt and Jeff.

Bobby Cannavale is the suave nuke buyer. Bobby usually appears in a tee shirt holding a beer uttering a guttural Jersey accent. Putting Bobby in a tux with coiffed hair challenges Method Acting. He had little screen time but his parody was a fine contribution.

An embarrassing Italian parody is Aldo, played by Peter Serafinowicz. He is the embodiment of every distasteful Roman/Italian stereotype. His sexual overtures to Susan are vulgar and relentless. He leaves more finger prints on her ass than at crime scene.

Honorable mention goes to 50 cent. His contribution was just showing up. Mercifully he did not try to act.

See the movie, you can do worse this season.

San Andreas

The action stars of this movie are the earthquakes and the tsunami, the Rock is just some guy flying a helicopter. This is the most un-Rock movie I have seen to date. He doesn’t kill anyone, shot anyone, break any one’s back or even takeoff his shirt. No pectoral dancing here ladies. Oh a correction, he does punch out one obnoxious looter.

The Rock and his estranged wife are looking for their daughter amidst the devastation of the San Francisco earthquake. I am not dissing this noble cause, but this is not Rockish. You would expect him to be knee deep in rubble saving babies and lifting trucks of the legs of some priest. Just rushing around looking for his daughter is boring. It is more boring when his daughter is a very smart and capable young woman able to take care of herself. She handles distress well. Anyone want to guess the ending?

There were actually flashes of acting on the Rock’s part. Getting all pissy about signing divorce papers and giving the new boyfriend the stinky eye. There was even a passionate kiss with his wife lasting a bit too long (closed mouth).

The earthquakes were biblical. Buildings fell like Jenga blocks with total disregard to building codes. Modern buildings in seismic areas are required to have life saving features. Then there is the claim of predicting earthquakes made by the head of Cal Tech’s seismic department played by Paul Giamatti. When they predicted an earthquake it was already occurring. That is not what predicting means. A prediction is something before it happens not when. Surprisingly Giamatti’s character does not know how probability works. A poor actuary sitting next to me groaned. 

This movie harkens back to the disaster films of the 1970’s: Airplane, Towering Inferno and Earthquake. Aside for innovations in computer graphics this film has the same chunkiness of its predecessors. The spectacle  overwhelms the story.

I hope this is not a trend for the Rock.  Please stick to mayhem, fast cars, guns and women of questionable morals. Anyone can save a lady in distress, but can they make their pecks dance?

Tomorrowland

Tomorrowland is a children’s movie, a $190m children’s movie. The back story is the 1964 New York City World’s Fair where hints of the future are showcased and are the blue prints for the movie. In its boredom this film is classic Disney, harkening back to the 1960’s when it made sanitized wholesome broadcasts. The PG rating makes the movie devoid of anything interesting for adults. The children actors were cute but your money would be better spent at a petting zoo.

George Clooney does not appear until half way through the movie. The first half is devoted to a teenage girl and an adorable android girl and their benign   misadventures.  When Clooney appears he is a cantankerous grizzled middle aged man (Giving up suaveness must have been great sacrifice). Initially resisting to cooperate   with the girl’s Clooney falls in with them (surprise) and they go to Tomorrowland.  

Hugh Laurie shows up even later in the movie than Clooney. He is the evil Governor Nix who rules Tomorrowland. He is more bad than evil, George and Hugh have some non-belligerent history between them.  Towards the end of the movie Laurie breaks the Disney coda and says a mild curse, “bollocks”. Bollocks has many meanings in English slang, I am rooting for “balls”.

Because of the PG rating there is no sex (dah) but battles with the evil robots are sanitized to the point of tiresomeness.  Heads pop off like Ken dolls and motor oil substitutes for blood. A little Terminator brutality would have spiced up this dull broth.

The plot is all over the place. They hop from the present to the future using a small token with a capital blue T (wait until some kid chokes on this token as a tie in for a cereal). There is some reference to annihilation, but the why and wherefore are foggy.

The acting is on level of a wet paper towel. All the actors are good looking and cute (except Laurie). You would feel OK if your daughter or son dated them (except Clooney). But I refuse to pay $11.00 (senior citizen) for cute. If I want cute I would I buy a dam bunny. Disney tried for nostalgia with Tomorrowland, however their audience was fifty years ago. 

Mad Max: Fury Road

Mad Max: Fury Road

On a lazy summer Saturday afternoon in 1979 my sister and I went to the movies. Mad Max was playing, we had no idea what it was about. After it finished we still had no idea what was going on. The movie was spectacular and totally energizing with the post-apocalyptic fall out resulting in a brutal and a lawless environment. Mad Max was an early contributor to this genre and set standards.  

The new Mad Max is a visual extravaganza. The cinematography is outstanding and probably the film’s best feature (it was filmed in Namibia and Australia). The movie is non-stop with cars, trucks and motorcycles churning up dust crisscrossing the desert.  The bad guys are led by a plastic encased emphysema inflicted dog ugly warlord. He holds some sort of quasi deity position and just by looking at him the on looker has a sense of divinity. The evil minions, the War Boys, are pan face caked zealots with no regard to life believing the gates of Valhalla await them upon death. They wear outrageous costumes ranging from clownish out fits to S&M. Their weird combinations are funny to watch.

This is a simple movie. It is basically car (truck) chase movie. Charlize Theron, who plays Imperator Furiosa, is transporting valuable cargo which the bad guys want back. Tom Hardy is Max who initially was Theron’s captive but becomes an ally. There is a plot line about Furiosa’s back story and mission and Max’s adventures that got him to this point, but on the whole this is a just chase movie with lots of stunts and a two hour demolition derby with a high body count.

Hardy plays the strong silent type, and he is very silent.  He has about five lines in the movie not including grunts. Dialogue is not memorable; the movie’s emphasis is action. Theron has more speaking parts besides driving the truck. Driving the truck includes near death situations and heroics. For some inexplicable reason Theron is missing part of her left arm below the elbow. The remaining parts are still great. No one broke a sweat acting.

Some critiques have heaped adulation on the movie as a great artistic achievement (Rotten Tomato-99). They are certainly welcome to their opinion, but get real! This is just a very expensive chase movie with high mega wattage stars. In essence this is still a lazy Saturday afternoon flick.  

Ex Machina

Ex Machina (or as we say in Italian Ex Machina) is a movie about AI, artificial intelligence. There have been numerous AI movie from I Robot to Terminator. This movie is not as action filled as its predecessors. Ex Machina, especially in the beginning, is more cerebral. These films always have a Dr. Frankenstein question, “What have I created? Is it good or bad?”  The good in this case is Ava. She has a pleasant face, nice hands and feet and body parts from Home Depot.

This is basically a three character movie:

• Domhnail Glesson plays Caleb the code writer and house guest
• Oscar Isaac plays Nathan the CEO of the tech company making robots with AI.
• Alicia Vikander plays Ava (or parts of her anyway) the robot with advanced AI.

Caleb won a contest to spend a week at Nathan’s fabulous minimalist home. Caleb is part of a Turing test team to determine a robot’s ability to exhibit intelligent behavior. The tests are conducted by Caleb in sessions with Ava sitting on the other side of a glass patrician. At one point Ava asks questions befuddling Caleb. As the movie progresses these plot turns increase transforming the movie from the original premise.

For most of the movie all we see of Ava is her transparent plastic body. When she puts on a dress and wig she looks very human. Accessorized AI makes the woman.  Her intellectual and emotional advancements are the heart of the movie. She is inorganic but evolves.

Isaac is the driving force in the movie. He is an arrogant egotistical multi-millionaire totally focused on his project and indifferent to collateral damage. Isaac plays the role with great passion making his character odious and detestable (he cuts a mean rug).  He irritably says Dude so often he could be a James Franco double.

Caleb is the brainy innocent, a bit slow on the take up.  He has good intentions but they are not reciprocated.  Nathan underestimates Caleb’s hacking ability and tenacity, which is the short coming of arrogance.

The film is not breaking new ground when it comes to AI movies, but it has a distinctive style and mood.  Instead of the Terminator you have Ava beguiling her way into hearts and minds. Both are potent.

Furious 7

Furious 7

In the past I said unkind things about the Fast and Furious franchise, I take none of it back. The best thing to say about this film is it is honest. You get what you paid for. It is two hours and twenty minutes of non-stop action. The story line was just an excuse to blow something up. The dialogue was forgettable, with or without Alzheimer. Acting consisted of various head shots either with a scowl or raised eyebrow (the Rock). Regrettably, Vin Diesel did not bring the level of acting to this role which he did in the Riddick movies.

This film follows the FF formula:

• ·        Car racing, car crashes or flying cars (with or without parachutes)
• ·        Fighting, lots of it.
• ·        Girl fights, cool.
• ·        Explosions; anything and everything that can explode.
• ·        Babes in skimpy outfits banned in Indiana, Wisconsin and Arkansas (I expected more babes).
• ·        The Rock flexing.
• ·        Vin Diesel’s smug sneer.
• ·        Michelle Rodrigues looking scary sexy

Added to this merry band were two new actors: Jason Statham and Kurt Russell. Don’t read this but Statham is the bad guy. Statham is a one man wrecking crew seeking vengeance for something I forgot (it really does not matter, just let him blow it up). Kurt Russell is a ghost agent materializing like a spider from above.  Gone is his blond mane of hair supplanted by a slicked back grey mop. His role is not pivotal but campy.

This film is a memoriam of sorts to Paul Walker. Much has been said about using his brother as a spare for filming. I could not tell the difference, but all will be revealed in Furious 8-Furious to be dead. Guess who makes a cameo appearance?