The Martian

The Martian

This movie has generated a lot of hype; does it live up to it? In my opinion not all the way. As a Ridely Scott movie it garners a certain level of prestige. He has directed big hits such as Blade Runner and Alien and some foul balls like Robin Hood and Exodus: Gods and Kings. In this nearly three hour, large parts are tedious. The film is a combination of Lost in Space and This Old House. Matt Damon’s character is marooned on Mars and to survive he has to improvise how to make dirt, water, plants and fix broken machinery. At one point he actually uses duct tape (man’s best friend) to fix a broken helmet. Tension in this movie is like a deflated tire and only towards the end is some pressure applied.  

There are big stars in this movie. Supporting Matt Damon are: Jessica Chastain, Kata Mara, Kristien Wiig, Chitwetel Edjiofor, Michael Pena and Jeff Daniels. No one broke any serious drama sweat. They portrayed a steely cold can do NASA attitude. This makes good copy for NOVA but not for drama. Even in life threatening situations Damon’s character is almost placid (recall Tom Hanks in Apollo 13, you could cut tension with a knife). There was light comedy which is a plus. To keep their PG rating they could not say the F word and had to mouth it.

Jessica Chastain was the cool commander who has some key parts towards the end. Kristien Wiig is the relations executive who seemed a bit out of her element. No funnies from her. The rest of the actors were pretty straight forward. Aside from Michal Pena I was not familiar with the rest of the crew. Jeff Danial’s plays the director of NASA as a stiff. He does it really well.

As with his other Ridley Scott films cinematography is rich and spectacular. The graphics were great and the rendering of the Mars’s surface is realistic. I am sure all the NASA paraphernalia is accurate. The duct tape was real.

The last few minutes has the best suspense of the whole movie. No, I will not say what happens. Are the last few minutes’ worth the whole movie? This is not Apollo 13 or even Gravity. The Martian is a feel good can do attitude movie. I know I am swimming against the tide of raves from the critiques with this review, so please make up your own mind as you should always do.

The Man from Uncle

The Man from Uncle

In the early 60’s I use to faithfully watch the TV show The Man from U.N.C.L.E.. It was fun, the gadgets were great, the chicks were plentiful and trying to understand the heavy Russian accented voice of Lllya Kuryakin as uttered by a Scotsman was a challenge. The geopolitics of the Cold War were lost on a thirteen year old boy, but the Russian Missile Crisis scared the crap out of me. 

The movie is set during the hot period of the Cold War. Our boys are trying to stop renegade Nazis’s from making a nuclear bomb. The USA and USSR work together with fingers crossed behind their back. The movie recreates the 60’s feeling with clothes, make up and cars. Most of the action takes place in Italy near Rome. Lots of Italian is spoken in the movie and large yellow subtitles are used, which are unnecessary for us native speakers. 

The 2015 Man from Uncle movie has little to do with the TV show aside from using the same names for the protagonists. Henry Cavell is Napoleon Solo, played by Henry Cavill, who is proto Bond; very debonair and a chick magnet. Amie Hammer plays Lllya Kuryakin. Compared to the original petite T.V. actor, Armie looks like a refrigerator with shoes. Hugh Grant plays Waverly who is the movie’s equivalent of the incomparable Leo C. Carroll. Grant comes in at the tail end of the movie with his patented grin and effortless style. The villainesses is a tall glass of water named the Countessa Victoria Vinciguerra (which in English means “wina the war”). She wore so much eye make, raccoons were jealous. The Countessa looked like Twiggy only forty pounds heavier and twelve inches taller.  The heroine is Alicia Vikander who plays a key role as Gabriella Telller. Teller is cute, smart and the lynch pin of the operation. After many false starts there is a near kiss with the shy Kuryakin (regrettably there is absolutely no sex). In the credits I noticed t David Beckham played the projectionist. I had no idea he was in the movie. Sporting too many tattoos he blended in with wallpaper.

The actors were marvelous together. In the beginning there was that American Russian distrust which evolves into coexistence, but not quite friendship. This movie is hilarious. It is an action/comedy. The audience laughed out loud more than once. The director is Guy Ritchie who has this great talent for mixing violence and comedy (Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels and the Sherlock Holmes films). This is a simple movie with 1960’s sensibilities. It is fun, which is good enough.

Ciao

Mission Impossible Rogue Nation

I wasn’t expecting much. After all this is another MI movie; been there done that. Also I had no desire to see a shirtless man with fifty three year old abs hanging like a salami from a post. Well, I was wrong. This is a fast paced exciting movie with new daring stunts. The plot is not convoluted and easily followed. The MI team is efficient and work well together. The film has a rich feel to it with glamorous locations. With a production cost of $150m (x 2 for distribution) the aging Tom Terrific better be terrific.

 Tom does his own stunts. For an old man that is amazing. In the trailers you see him hanging from the outside of a cargo plan as it ascends. This is real. The wind is so strong his toupee almost flew off. There is an underwater scene where he holds his breath for six minutes. Come on, what actor keep his mouth shut for that long. One stunt I do not believe he did is the motor cycle scene where Tom is racing without a helmet going so fast he has to put his knee down one inch from the ground like those crazy Italians.

Then there is Simon Pegg. He is moving up in the ranks and is the second banana in this film. He is the MI tech wizard. Besides being brilliant, but not consistent, he is very funny which is a welcomed addition to the movie .

Rebecca Ferguson is the femme fatale. She is a gymnastic beauty with endless legs. Her fighting style is formidable. She has this one move where she jumps in the air does a scissor lock around this guy’s head and smothers him with her tights on the ground. Nice way to go!  

 Jeremy Renner is unremarkable as an enabler. Towards the end there is a gun fight and he sees some action. Ving Rhames is hugh. His stunt is just getting out of a chair. Hope he makes it to the next MI. Alec Baldwin is the head of the CIA. He over acts; what a surprise.

Tom, really you did a great job. Your AARP application is in the mail.

Mr. Holmes

Mr. Holmes

Sir Ian McKellen hails from the school of great British actors including John Gielgud, Derek Jacobi and Ralph Fiennes. This small jewel of a movie is a showcase for a master actor. Mckellen plays Holmes devoid of his pipe, cap and cape. This Holmes is more debonair with a silk top hat and a bespoke suit. His attitude is prickly and distant.  McKellen can play the role without words. You know what he is saying just by looking at him. He ages ten years just by using facial expressions. We have not seen this Holmes before. At 93 stands at the edge of darkness and refuses to look down.

Holmes retired 35 years ago and lives on a farm in Dover. He lives with his house keeper Mrs. Munro, played by Laura Linney and her young son Roger. All of Holmes’s loved ones have passed on: Dr. Watson, his brother Mycroft and Mrs. Hudson his former house keeper. These deaths put a profound sadness on Holmes, but what scares him more is his loss of memory. What Dr. Morioirty could not do with a gun and a dagger, Alzheimer is killing cell by cell. Desperately seeking a cure for his memory loss he travels to Japan for a plant found in the fields of Hiroshima. At home he cultivates Royal Jelly hoping for the same cure. They prove to be hokum. He is more frightened of losing his memory than death.

There is a story within a story. Compared to other Holmes tales this one is a simple. It is a vehicle to show how Holmes wound up in his farm house. The sad outcome of the case lead to his retirement.

Mercifully this movie is devoid of stunts and CG. The great unwashed will ridicule the movie’s low box office but be confounded by the great number of nominations it garners. This is an actor’s movie, the cast is outstanding. For the Master Piece Theater crowd this film is for you. For you Sherlock Holmes groupies, this movie is for you. For the rest, you could do a lot worst.

Jurassic World

Jurassic World

This is movie is predictable and formulaic. There are the munch and crunch dinosaurs, herbivores who invariably become appetizers, lost kids in peril and a super designed dino’s, Indominus.  Inodminus dominates the movie terrorizing the park. The other non-human stars are the four Velociraptors. In this film they are domesticated (sort of) by Chris Pratt. Frankly I prefer the vicious cunning flesh ripping raptors of the first film rather than these semi-tamed hunting dogs.

Chris Pratt plays a He-man like character with gun in hand, knife in his belt and a shirt he should have changed a week age. He is the alpha male, unless the dinosaurs tell him otherwise. He plays the role too straight which is unfortunate since the movie could have used his well-honed humor (big mistake).

Bryce Dallas Howard, plays Claire Dearing, with her porcelain looks and Cleopatra haircut. She is the park’s CEO. She does the whole movie wearing six inch heels, even running in the jungle. Her character starts out a cool in control executive and deteriorates in to panicked screaming wreck.  Taking a serious actress and reducing her to a screaming wretch seems like a waste of money and talent.

Claire’s two nephews visit the park. They are wholesome non-descript kids from anywhere America. The Jurassic franchise uses kids as a barometer to gauge fear with their eyes popping out and lips cracked from screaming. No different here.

In this type of movie acting is tertiary. No one’s performance can be criticized because they are part of a spectacle. Actors could be interchangeable. All the director wants is a marquee name to boost box office.   

This movie is like a beloved amusement park ride. You know what to expect with highs between the lows. You have been on the ride before and you will again. If you are a paleontologist or still enchanted with your childhood plastic dinosaurs, this is your movie. But if you resist the urge to see the film, consider saving your money for another flick, perhaps the Grey series (NEVER!!!).

Spy

Spy

This is a very funny movie. The laughs run throughout the movie with all actors contributing. Melissa McCarthy leaves angry Tammy and the loud mouth bridesmaid at the door for Susan Cooper, a shy and insecure desk agent. McCarty has fine comedic timing and her sharp commentary give the film an enjoyable and steady pace. She uses her girth as an asset for physical comedy which is impressive (or is it a body double?)

The plot is to stop the sale of a portable nuclear device. Susan goes from desk to field agent because she is unrecognizable to enemy. Her target is Rayana Boyanov, the daughter of the bomb maker, played brilliantly by Rose Byrne. The look of disdain is tattooed on Byrne’s face. Her dresses look like they come from the hooker section of Fredrick’s of Hollywood; but her pumps are gorgeous. Her mouth is as foul as she is beautiful. Besides trying to kill each other there is repartee between Susan and Rayana insulting each other’s fashion choices.  To fit into a high class casino Susan loses her polyester for a hugh designer black gown which resembles a Bedouin tent with feet.

Jude Law is the suave secret agent who Susan secretly loves. He is oblivious to her, fixated only on his perfect hair and pressed tux. His skill is dispatching bad guys and bedding bad girls.

Jason Statham leaves his comfort zone. He exchanges his karate skills and visible abs for a comic persona. He is a disgruntled, not too bright, foul mouth agent.  The target of his salvos is Susan and they are some of the best lines in the movie. I give him a B+ for the temerity to do comedy, but his timing is as rough as his sandpaper beard.

 Miranda Hart plays Susan’s pal and she too is inept in the field. Miranda is an English actress from a BBC TV series, “Call the Midwife”. She is very tall, very funny and perfect the side kick. She towers over the stunted McCarthy and they make the perfect Mutt and Jeff.

Bobby Cannavale is the suave nuke buyer. Bobby usually appears in a tee shirt holding a beer uttering a guttural Jersey accent. Putting Bobby in a tux with coiffed hair challenges Method Acting. He had little screen time but his parody was a fine contribution.

An embarrassing Italian parody is Aldo, played by Peter Serafinowicz. He is the embodiment of every distasteful Roman/Italian stereotype. His sexual overtures to Susan are vulgar and relentless. He leaves more finger prints on her ass than at crime scene.

Honorable mention goes to 50 cent. His contribution was just showing up. Mercifully he did not try to act.

See the movie, you can do worse this season.

San Andreas

The action stars of this movie are the earthquakes and the tsunami, the Rock is just some guy flying a helicopter. This is the most un-Rock movie I have seen to date. He doesn’t kill anyone, shot anyone, break any one’s back or even takeoff his shirt. No pectoral dancing here ladies. Oh a correction, he does punch out one obnoxious looter.

The Rock and his estranged wife are looking for their daughter amidst the devastation of the San Francisco earthquake. I am not dissing this noble cause, but this is not Rockish. You would expect him to be knee deep in rubble saving babies and lifting trucks of the legs of some priest. Just rushing around looking for his daughter is boring. It is more boring when his daughter is a very smart and capable young woman able to take care of herself. She handles distress well. Anyone want to guess the ending?

There were actually flashes of acting on the Rock’s part. Getting all pissy about signing divorce papers and giving the new boyfriend the stinky eye. There was even a passionate kiss with his wife lasting a bit too long (closed mouth).

The earthquakes were biblical. Buildings fell like Jenga blocks with total disregard to building codes. Modern buildings in seismic areas are required to have life saving features. Then there is the claim of predicting earthquakes made by the head of Cal Tech’s seismic department played by Paul Giamatti. When they predicted an earthquake it was already occurring. That is not what predicting means. A prediction is something before it happens not when. Surprisingly Giamatti’s character does not know how probability works. A poor actuary sitting next to me groaned. 

This movie harkens back to the disaster films of the 1970’s: Airplane, Towering Inferno and Earthquake. Aside for innovations in computer graphics this film has the same chunkiness of its predecessors. The spectacle  overwhelms the story.

I hope this is not a trend for the Rock.  Please stick to mayhem, fast cars, guns and women of questionable morals. Anyone can save a lady in distress, but can they make their pecks dance?