Atomic Blond

Atomic Blond

There is a special place in hell for directors of coming attractions. This movie is not just a flimsy lesbian laced donnybrook depicted in movie trailers. It has all that and more. This is a very respectable spy movie set in 1989 in Berlin when the cold war was hot. This film is more like John le Carre than Ian Fleming. There are spies, double spies and triple spies. In the absence of Bond type gadgetry, commando fighting dominates the film. Theron’s muscular fighting was impressive and exhausting. Everything was a weapon: rope, hot plates, phones and of course red stiletto heels. Theron was a one woman racking crew. Towards the end of the movie Theron was black and blue. How much was real and how much was make up? Apparently, she had real commando trading in the film and she was hurt.

The movie was a bit slow on the up take. Theron’s character is being debriefed by John Goodman (CIA) and his MI6 counterpart.  Poor Goodman looks like a deflated balloon with his massive weight loss. The narrative is a bit tedious cutting back and forth between the action and the debriefing room. It is a bit distracting. James McAvoy is a British spy with many secrets. He sleazy performance is counterpoint to his usual wholesome roles. but well done overall.

Another key player is Sofia Boutella. She is a French spy who becomes Theron’s lover. The intimate scenes are more suggestive than graphic. Her screen presence, with her clothes on, is not significant but her character is important.

In the end, this film was a pleasant surprise. It wasn’t mindless Rambo type movie of scantly glad tall blondes jello wrestling (God forbid). The plot was homage to Cold War spy movies. This was also another attempt by Hollywood to woo a female audience to action films. Whereas Wonder Woman was wholesomeness on white bread, Atomic Blond is naughtiness thickly spread on black pumpernickel. The almighty buck is asexual.

p.s.-I regret to report that Charlize Theron has a manish ass. Her butt looks like two loafs of Wonder Bread pressed together rather than the classic pear-shaped derrieres of Renaissance art and certain Latino signers. Perfection is over rated. 

Dunkirk

Dunkirk

Dunkirk is ponderous. It is somber and British. Using Saving Private Ryan as a reference, Dunkirk is the polar opposite. Whereas Saving Private Ryan is dynamic and has forward motion Dunkirk is stagnant and stoic. If Christopher Nolan wanted to convey anxiety and desperation he did so splendidly.

The movie is a series of vignettes. There are the stranded troops on the beach with Kenneth Branagh as Commander Bolton. Then there are the RAF spit fighter pilots engaging Nazi planes. One of the pilots, Tom Hardy, is totally unrecognizable since he wears an aviators hat. The other piece of the movie focuses on the flotilla of small boats sailing to Dunkirk to rescue the solders. One of the best performances of the movie takes place on one of the boats with Mark Rylance and Cillian Murphy. Given the chaos of war this compartmentalization is an effective approach. The vignettes are puzzle pieces of the whole.

The film is epic in scope. The cinematography is sweeping with aerial views of the vast of the beach and the thousands of British troops waiting in neat rows for reuse. The vulnerability of the troops was striking. The coming attractions conveyed images of slaughter on the beach, but the majority of the troops were evacuated. There were attacks by the Luftwaffe on the troops but only with one or two planes.

There are moments of bravo when RAF spitfire downs a Germain plane or when the little boats arrive. It makes does little hairs on the back of your neck stand up.

Some historical facts:

• ·         Of the 338,226 soldiers, the majority were rescued by the Royal Navy. The small boats ferried soldiers from the beach to waiting vessels. Some sailed back to Dover.
• ·         Why weren’t the troops slaughtered on the beach? Hitler gave his infamous Halt order stopping Panzer tanks from continuing the assault. A major blunder.
• ·         Nolan’s film is getting tagged with #ohsowhite.  There were troops of color at Dunkirk. There was the Royal Indian Army Service Corps and other soldiers from Morocco, Algeria and Tunisia. In the film, there is one shot of a French solider of color.

This is an important movie. Reviews are positive and the box office is healthy. As with all historical films their veracity is debated. This is a war movie of elegance. 

Spiderman Homecoming

Spiderman Homecoming

This is a very juvenile movie. It has none of the darkness of prior movies. It has the airiness of a teen movie akin to the Breakfast Club. This Spiderman is an awkward insecure fifteen-year-old living in Queens. Tom Holland is a British actor who was spared the need to master a Queen’s accent (as were the other Spidermen). Tom Holland is a journeyman for the Avengers under the supervision of Tony Stark, Robert Downy jr. Holland keeps on screwing up as teenagers do.

Parker has a rotund generic Asian side kick who provides comic relief if not angst. This movie is so PC I doubt Republicans will see it. Lots of the action takes place in the high school including detention.  Peter is infatuated with a girl that he can barely look eye to eye.

There is a villain, The Vulture, played by Michael Keaton. The Vulture is a junkman who hauls machine parts from other dimensions and makes super weapons for bad guys. He flies a winged contraption that looks like a bunch of fans wired together. He is a hand full for young Spidey and Spidey needs help.

The movie does have light moments eliciting laughs. Marisa Tomie is Aunt May. The original Aunt May was a white-haired fragile old lady. I am not complaining about Tomie, but whoever did the casting should get their glasses checked.

Given the robust box office and high Rotten Tomato score this review is anathema. Maybe it is old age but this movie is better for the kids. 

Baby Drver

                                                                                                  July 13, 2017

Baby Driver is a unique movie; it is not a sequel or a remake it is an original script. This is a terrific movie. It is a tender love story with bank robberies, unshaven dirty bad guys and amazing car chases.  Driving is a major element of the film: drifting, high speed chases, reverse driving (it made me feel inadequate). This movie has elements of Bonnie and Clyde, Bullet and some parts of Grease. The cast is terrific. The ensemble’s performance was cohesive and well-paced. The movie’s direction was gritty, dynamic and interjected with poignant moments.

The protagonist is named Baby; yeh, just Baby. How cool is that? Baby is played by Ansel Elgort. He was the wimpy brother in the Divergent series. Baby has a baby face, there is even a close up of his peach fuzz. He seems Autistic, with preputial dark Ray Ban’s, fixed ear plugs and pouty lips seldom speaking. One character asks if he is slow, which is an inside joke. The loopy personality masks his supremely virtuoso driving skills. He does not drive Porsches or Ferraris, rather more humble fare. He makes diving a Subaru sexy; there is hope for all of us. Elgort is pitch perfect for the role.

He is constantly plugged into his iPod so the music drowns out tinnitus. The music is a big part of the film. Half the tunes I recognized for the rest I had no clue (a consequence of being born in the 50’s).

Kevin Spacy is the gang mastermind who orchestrates the robberies. Baby is indentured to Spacy, but how is not made clear. Spacy is a precise task master and cold blooded. The film focuses on one last heist and Baby must be behind the wheel.

Jon Hamm is a former stock broker turned bank robber (Wow, what a stretch). Unshaven, greasy and probably smelly, he still gets the hot chic (go figure). He was corrupt in Mad Men, but here he is lethal. Jammie Foxx plays a tattooed necked killer/bank robber. He is part of the gang with Baby and Hamm, he threatens Baby.  Foxx relishes this role.

Lily James plays Debora, Baby’s love interest. She is like Sandy from Grease, but she wields a crow bar. This is love at first sight, or as the Italians would say struck by a thunderbolt. They are very tender with each other and share a strong bond.

I highly recommend this film. And please would someone tell me what is Egyptian Reggie.

The Mummy

When there are three writers on a script it is a sure sign the movie sucks, as is the case here. This movie is a mash up of “An American Werewolf in London”, “The Walking Dead” and “The Mummy (with Brendan Frasier)”. It did not have an original bone in its body, with one big exception. This is the first FEMALE MUMMY. The plot points are endless and these numb nuts writers did nothing with it. I could write a better script. To have Sofia Boutella (this is the She assassin, from the “Kingsman, The Secret Service”, with cutlery for legs) stumble around in a grey body suite with Ace bandages dangling from her limbs is a waste.

The acting was insipid. Yes, it was effortless, since no effort was made. In comparison to this schlock Curse’s the “Fourth of July “is great drama. Russell Crowe is in the movie. He is so fat he almost explodes. I think I fell asleep so I am not sure about his character.

There is a generous shot Tom almost naked with a strategically placed cloth. For a man in his fifties he looks great, toned and lean. I know how hard it is to keep an athletic body, so Tom Tom kudos.  

Rotten Tomatoes gave it a score of 15 and the movie has lost $95m. Now that’s scary!

Joey’s Script:

Nicole Kidman is standing on her balcony smoking heroin.

A silver moon bathes the humid night.

Nicole is the Madame of an upscale brothel catering to British royalty and the upper classes.

All the prostitutes are twins.

Lost in an opium haze Kidman does not notice the black fog gathering behind her.

The fog engulfs her.

Skeletal hands with black broken nails emerge from the fog wrapping around Kidman’s chest, pulling her in.

Kidman’s eyes wide open in terror as she is consumed by the fog, but too late.

Sofia Boutella emerges from the balcony wearing in La Perla lingerie and Jimmy Choo pumps holding her asp.  

To be continued…..

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman         

                                                                                                      June 6, 2017

Gender is a focus of this movie. Undeniably this is a female movie; the female cast (with a few male exceptions), the director even the film projectionist is female. The revenue for this film has been stunning (opening week north of $200m worldwide in the first weekend). Sexual labels aside, is this a film worth seeing?  YES !

The opening scenes in Amazonia, I mean Themyscira, were prosaic, with a little willful Diana being a naughty demi god. Quickly battles ensue and the Amazon warriors are twirling in the air shooting three arrows at a time and making three kills. This is a very impressive marriage of stunt work and CG. Besides Wonder Woman’s many powers (alas I did not see her invisible jet) it is Gal Gadot performance that makes Wonder Woman a creditable super hero. She is heroic, fearless and the best fighter you will see in a leather mini skirt. Being an undocumented demi-god she is a bit naive in the land of men. Her naiveté sets up endearing plot points with her co-star Chris Pine, who plays Steve Trevor. They definably have scene chemistry or this movie would have crash and burned (a hell of a lot better than with Bruce Wayne). Pine plays the role a bit like Captain Kirk from Star Trek, cool, cocky, self-assured but vulnerable with Wonder Woman.

The action shifts from Themyscira to World War I Europe and Wonder Woman is fully engaged in the fighting. At one point, she is a one-woman dynamo advancing the morbid trench line by yards deflecting rounds of bullets and mortar shells just with her shield and bad attitude. Interestingly her posse is all male. There is Steve Trevor, the heart throb; Saïd Taghmaoui as Sameer; master of disguise;  Ewen Bremner as Charlie, the Scottish sharpshooter and Eugene Brave Rock as the Indian Chief. Their comradery is infectious and they use their skills to fight Germain solders. Their arch enemy is General Erich Ludendorff, who with the deadly talents of a deformed female Doctor Maru, is researching toxic gases that could change the course of the war. The obvious comparison of the hideously deformed face of Dr. Maru to Diana’s beauty is evil versus good.

The film gets a bit off the rails when Wonder Woman battles Ares, God of War and Diana’s half-brother. This is lethal sibling rivalry, but it was a good platform to show case Wonder Woman’s fighting skills. The action sequences are as impressive as any successful comic centric film. No punches were pulled.

The producers of Wonder Women are using the “f” word…franchise. They see this movie as a catalyst for other DC super hero films, especially after recent flops. Hollywood desperately wants to expand the audience base for comic/adventure movies to include young females and their pocket books.  Wonder Women sequels will propel this movement. Maybe we will see the invisible jet in the next film.

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Guardians of the Galaxy 2                                                    May 27, 2017

If you liked the first one you will like this one. The plot is metaphysically inane, but who goes to see this type of movie for the plot. The movie is about comradery and family. Joining the retuning crew is Kurt Russell as Star Lords father, Ego. This is a new vein for comic mining. There is also a cameo appearance by Sylvester Stallone, two to be exact. Very chunky, so so funny.

The rest of the crew is present. Bradly Cooper is the wise ass Rocket, a bit less acid, more humanin. Zoe Saldana as the green Gamora is a more overtly affectionate with Chris Pratt and continues her epic sister rivalry with Nubula, the blue spray painted chick with the metallic body. Groot is still Baby Groot. He is a source of endless cuteness. Best dam pay day Vin Diesel ever made and no acting required, as usual.

Drax the Destroyer is still blue and dim witted but delivers some very hilarious lines.  Michael Rooker as Yondu Udonta, the blue skinned pirate who kidnaped Star Lord as a child, has an expanded role and fits into the movie’s familial theme. His golden arrow is as lethal as before but it targets real ugly bad guys (one guy is named Taserface) . A new character is Mantis, Pom Klementieff, she is part of Ego’s crew. She sports antennae and has large black saucer eyes giving her the appearance of an insect. She is a bit innocent and unwittingly comical. There may be something going on with Drax (there may be blue bug babies in GOG 3).

Some parts of the movie were hilarious. I cannot remember the last time I laughed out loud in the theater. The audience joined in. Most were just silly one liners or some sets ups were well executed. There is a lot of fighting and killing, but it was all antiseptic. The movie is about comradery and getting despicable bad guys to do right thing.

The music is a big part of the movie. I personally like the tunes of the first movie better. But as my son would say what do I know about music! Thanks to GOG the Sony Walkman is an item on EBay. Never throw shit away!!!!