The Mummy

When there are three writers on a script it is a sure sign the movie sucks, as is the case here. This movie is a mash up of “An American Werewolf in London”, “The Walking Dead” and “The Mummy (with Brendan Frasier)”. It did not have an original bone in its body, with one big exception. This is the first FEMALE MUMMY. The plot points are endless and these numb nuts writers did nothing with it. I could write a better script. To have Sofia Boutella (this is the She assassin, from the “Kingsman, The Secret Service”, with cutlery for legs) stumble around in a grey body suite with Ace bandages dangling from her limbs is a waste.

The acting was insipid. Yes, it was effortless, since no effort was made. In comparison to this schlock Curse’s the “Fourth of July “is great drama. Russell Crowe is in the movie. He is so fat he almost explodes. I think I fell asleep so I am not sure about his character.

There is a generous shot Tom almost naked with a strategically placed cloth. For a man in his fifties he looks great, toned and lean. I know how hard it is to keep an athletic body, so Tom Tom kudos.  

Rotten Tomatoes gave it a score of 15 and the movie has lost $95m. Now that’s scary!

Joey’s Script:

Nicole Kidman is standing on her balcony smoking heroin.

A silver moon bathes the humid night.

Nicole is the Madame of an upscale brothel catering to British royalty and the upper classes.

All the prostitutes are twins.

Lost in an opium haze Kidman does not notice the black fog gathering behind her.

The fog engulfs her.

Skeletal hands with black broken nails emerge from the fog wrapping around Kidman’s chest, pulling her in.

Kidman’s eyes wide open in terror as she is consumed by the fog, but too late.

Sofia Boutella emerges from the balcony wearing in La Perla lingerie and Jimmy Choo pumps holding her asp.  

To be continued…..

Wonder Woman

Wonder Woman         

                                                                                                      June 6, 2017

Gender is a focus of this movie. Undeniably this is a female movie; the female cast (with a few male exceptions), the director even the film projectionist is female. The revenue for this film has been stunning (opening week north of $200m worldwide in the first weekend). Sexual labels aside, is this a film worth seeing?  YES !

The opening scenes in Amazonia, I mean Themyscira, were prosaic, with a little willful Diana being a naughty demi god. Quickly battles ensue and the Amazon warriors are twirling in the air shooting three arrows at a time and making three kills. This is a very impressive marriage of stunt work and CG. Besides Wonder Woman’s many powers (alas I did not see her invisible jet) it is Gal Gadot performance that makes Wonder Woman a creditable super hero. She is heroic, fearless and the best fighter you will see in a leather mini skirt. Being an undocumented demi-god she is a bit naive in the land of men. Her naiveté sets up endearing plot points with her co-star Chris Pine, who plays Steve Trevor. They definably have scene chemistry or this movie would have crash and burned (a hell of a lot better than with Bruce Wayne). Pine plays the role a bit like Captain Kirk from Star Trek, cool, cocky, self-assured but vulnerable with Wonder Woman.

The action shifts from Themyscira to World War I Europe and Wonder Woman is fully engaged in the fighting. At one point, she is a one-woman dynamo advancing the morbid trench line by yards deflecting rounds of bullets and mortar shells just with her shield and bad attitude. Interestingly her posse is all male. There is Steve Trevor, the heart throb; Saïd Taghmaoui as Sameer; master of disguise;  Ewen Bremner as Charlie, the Scottish sharpshooter and Eugene Brave Rock as the Indian Chief. Their comradery is infectious and they use their skills to fight Germain solders. Their arch enemy is General Erich Ludendorff, who with the deadly talents of a deformed female Doctor Maru, is researching toxic gases that could change the course of the war. The obvious comparison of the hideously deformed face of Dr. Maru to Diana’s beauty is evil versus good.

The film gets a bit off the rails when Wonder Woman battles Ares, God of War and Diana’s half-brother. This is lethal sibling rivalry, but it was a good platform to show case Wonder Woman’s fighting skills. The action sequences are as impressive as any successful comic centric film. No punches were pulled.

The producers of Wonder Women are using the “f” word…franchise. They see this movie as a catalyst for other DC super hero films, especially after recent flops. Hollywood desperately wants to expand the audience base for comic/adventure movies to include young females and their pocket books.  Wonder Women sequels will propel this movement. Maybe we will see the invisible jet in the next film.

Guardians of the Galaxy 2

Guardians of the Galaxy 2                                                    May 27, 2017

If you liked the first one you will like this one. The plot is metaphysically inane, but who goes to see this type of movie for the plot. The movie is about comradery and family. Joining the retuning crew is Kurt Russell as Star Lords father, Ego. This is a new vein for comic mining. There is also a cameo appearance by Sylvester Stallone, two to be exact. Very chunky, so so funny.

The rest of the crew is present. Bradly Cooper is the wise ass Rocket, a bit less acid, more humanin. Zoe Saldana as the green Gamora is a more overtly affectionate with Chris Pratt and continues her epic sister rivalry with Nubula, the blue spray painted chick with the metallic body. Groot is still Baby Groot. He is a source of endless cuteness. Best dam pay day Vin Diesel ever made and no acting required, as usual.

Drax the Destroyer is still blue and dim witted but delivers some very hilarious lines.  Michael Rooker as Yondu Udonta, the blue skinned pirate who kidnaped Star Lord as a child, has an expanded role and fits into the movie’s familial theme. His golden arrow is as lethal as before but it targets real ugly bad guys (one guy is named Taserface) . A new character is Mantis, Pom Klementieff, she is part of Ego’s crew. She sports antennae and has large black saucer eyes giving her the appearance of an insect. She is a bit innocent and unwittingly comical. There may be something going on with Drax (there may be blue bug babies in GOG 3).

Some parts of the movie were hilarious. I cannot remember the last time I laughed out loud in the theater. The audience joined in. Most were just silly one liners or some sets ups were well executed. There is a lot of fighting and killing, but it was all antiseptic. The movie is about comradery and getting despicable bad guys to do right thing.

The music is a big part of the movie. I personally like the tunes of the first movie better. But as my son would say what do I know about music! Thanks to GOG the Sony Walkman is an item on EBay. Never throw shit away!!!!

The Fate of the Furious

The Fate of the Furious                                                                                   April 18, 2017

All the Fast and Furious (F&F) hallmarks are present. Relentless action, steroid infused fights, fantastic car races, uber-pyrotechnics and a plot little more than a footnote. Some of the gags and CG are approaching cartoon status. In one scene, it was literally raining cars. There is so much testosterone in this movie Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson should have spontaneously sprouted hair like a Chiba Pet. This said, this film is probably the most fun movie of the franchise. Feeling financially secure the producers are taking themselves less seriously. Former rivals are becoming strange bed fellows.

Thank God Vin Diesel’s acting has not improved keeping the Dom Toretto mystic intact. Dwayne Johnson is the ex-foe now Toretto comrade. The two compete in the tightest tee shirt contest. Jason Statham retains his sand paper beard and has a duplicitous role of foe and friend. The transitions are entertaining. The rest of the crew Letty, Roman, Tej Parker are still good guys. Bucking baldness, Ludacris sports a full head of hair; he was funnier without it.

The arch villain is Charliz Theron (the most beautiful women in the world, in my opinion). Unsmiling with her bleached white dread locks, she almost looks unrecognizable. Her character was devoid of humor or humanity. What a waste of beauty and talent. Lindsey Lohan would have done it on the cheap baring talent.

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There are two new characters. One of them manages to humanize Jason Statham. Helen Mirrin appears briefly (I should have not mentioned her). A fun part of the movie is old friends and enemies make cameos contributing to the light heathenness of the movie.

Surprisingly, the opening scenes are in Cuba, specifically Old Havana where I was just a few weeks ago. I recognized the neighborhoods and the Capital Plaza de La Revolucion, the starting point of the mandatory drag race. What I did not see was a long-legged chick in a short floral micro mini skirt wearing red stilettos (size 6) waving a silk unmentionable to start the race. Senior moment or not that I would have remembered!

The fate in Fate of the Furious is the box office. The movie exceeded opening weekend estimates of +$100 m. Worldwide all time net box office (after production cost) for the franchise is about $3.4 billion. Incentive enough for more films. 

Get Out

Get Out                                                                                                           March 31, 2017

This is a one-handed movie. One hand to cover your eyes and the other to eat popcorn. The movie’s tension starts from the very beginning. You are not sure what is going on but something will happen.

This is a B movie. It cost $4.5m to produce (grossing $156m). Except for Allison Williams (Girls and Peter Pan), the rest of the cast lack name recognition. Some were familiar once on screen. This is not a star-studded movie, rather the ensemble carries the film. The main protagonists Daniel Kaluuya (British actor) and Allison Williams are the interracial couple visiting her parents in suburbia. What makes the movie work is anticipation and a myriad of clues. The black and white angle is played up in the movie. There are the usual racial stereotypes. What transpires goes beyond standard bigotry.

Daniel Kaluuya and Allison Williams give good performances. Kaluuya feels uncomfortable in a growingly white weekend gathering. The guests leering attention make him nervous. The few blacks he encounters act disturbingly strange. As for Allison Williams, anything is better than Peter Pan. She is the love interest, with an agenda. This film has a smattering of the 70’s blaxploitation movies.  The director/writer is Jordan Peele.

Since I dearly cherish my life I will not discuss the plot. It is a bit complicated and reminiscent of those cheesy TV programs Tales from the Crypt. The end of the movie veers into camp.  Rotten Tomato’s gave this movie a score of 99; maybe a bit much (It Follows, my favorite low budget horror film, has a 97 rating). Get Out is good for a laugh and hug. This movie is referred as comedy horror film; I think more horror. It is worth the price of admission price and for one handed popcorn.

Logan

                                                                                               March 17, 2017

Logan is a good movie for what it is not, cartoonish. There are no men in tights, women with bullet bras or German accented villains wearing metal helmets. Logan and Professor Xavier live in a abandoned encampment in the desert. Logan and Professor X, like all of us, are subject to the ravages of time. This vulnerability is more relatable to an adult crowd. Xavier is fighting senility, which is ironic for a mutant who could control minds. Logan’s once buffed body is etched with scares and raked with pain. Fighting and winning have taken their toll.

This said there are stock and trade Wolverine battles. He uses his talons like a five-star chef skewers kabab. Professor X’s senior moment is befuddlement but still cataclysmic, an echo of his vast power.  

There is a new crop of pre-teen mutants who were fabricated in the lab. One special mutant is an eleven-year-old named Dafne Keen, who has a special bond with Logan. The relationship is tenuous but grows warmly over time. There is a lethal element to her precociousness. Logan is the reluctant father figure reining in the wild child. They do not have a cuddly relationship and Logan’s clueless parenting skills make for funny situations.  

There are a few lulls in the movie, but these small breaks give space for reflection.  There is plenty of action for all but when you need to take your medicine before going in to battle that is a reality check. Medicare has a high deductible for decapitation.

The movie has seeds of sequels. Those cute pre-teens mutants will surely appear in forthcoming movies as strapping teens in tights and bullet bra’s. Keeping the franchise alive is imperative (all x-men films to date-$4.8b box office).

Arrival

Arrival

I saw this movie a few weeks ago, but fell asleep and missed some key parts. Yesterday I went to see Split and in the next theater Arrival was playing. I had an hour to kill so I snuck in to see Arrival.

This is an outstanding movie and in my opinion it is one of the ten best sci fi in the past ten years. Rather than action packed it is a more cerebral film. The theme of the plot is fascinating and once fully understood gives you new insight into old theories. Albert Einstein would have enjoyed this movie.

I am not a fan of flash backs but here they were integral to the story and done well. Amy Adams is wonderful as a linguist recruited by the army to decipher the symbols of the aliens called heptapods.  They look like a penyata stuck on aoctopus. Their writing is like squid ink forming complicated circles. Amy’s tragic personal story is intertwined with the aliens which adds a layer of complexity.

I encourage you to see this movie either in the theater or on demand. You will not be disappointed.